20 Best Books

These are the 20 top books that have impacted me the most... not necessarily in any order.

1 Miss Twiggley’s Tree This is my all time favorite children’s book. It is a sweet sing song-e story with a great moral at the end especially geared for a kids like me… a little bit shy.

2 Allure of Hope by Jan Meyers Many years ago it occurred to me that hope is a risk and that just didn’t make sense. Jan Meyers explained why hope is a risk and why it’s a necessary risk to take to live life to the fullest. This book has answered nagging questions and has done more to impact my spiritual growth than most any other book. I go back to it from time to time and let her wisdom seep back into my parched having-a-hard-time-with-hope-soul.

3 Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hunnard As evidence by the series of devotionals I wrote based from this book it is clearly a favorite and also made a huge impact on my Christian walk. Each time I have read it I have gotten something new out it.

4 Sacred Romance by John Eldredge & Brent Curtis For me this book was like eating a large steak I had to read each chapter twice to get it fully digested. But all this additional chewing was well worth it. It just filled in the blanks, and made me feel beloved by the lover of my soul and that’s a good feeling.

5 Journey of Desire by John Eldredge I had never thought too much about heaven but this book made me realize that eternity is full of worship and that it will be more than singing the same chorus over and over. This made me feel a lot more comfortable about going to heaven… I have also been challenged not to let my deep desires go unnoticed or repressed but to live them out to the glory of God

6 Wild at Heart by John Eldredge If you want to understand men better then this is the book to read. If you know a man that seems a little lost in a world that tries to make men be “nice” and stay in the cubicles at work you might encourage them to read it as well.

7. 10,000 Things to Praise God There have been times when finding something to praise God for has been difficult. There have been times when I just wanted to know what someone else was praising God for. In college, my roommate Brandy and I would read a few pages from this book before going to bed and we would highlight or star the ones we felt a particular “Amen” to. It’s the kind of book you keep on reading over and over.

8 What Happens When Women Pray Great stories, truly meaningful ideas that can be implemented so easily into a prayer group. One of the simplest yet effective ideas I have gotten is when praying in a small group where each person shares, to pray after each person instead of at the end after everyone has shared. Something so simple has made an impact on the prayer groups I have been in because for a few minutes the focus is on just one person and their needs.

9 I Went to the Animal Fair (Heather Harpham Knopp The best way I can describe this book is that it comes full circle in such a beautiful way. It is a painful book but sometimes to deal with our own pain we need to process with someone that has been down that road before. Healing can be grueling but in the end quite glorious. I marvel over her writing style and say to myself at the conclusion of each chapter, “She is a genius for tying all these random ends together.” The author captures the day to day, moment to moment process with poetic prose and imagery that is real and sometimes startling… but that’s life isn’t?

10 Anticipatience. Finally a Singles book that doesn’t read like fingernails on a chalk board. OK not everyone will agree with me on that note. There was some of the usual stuff in there, but there was actually some new ideas in here that I had just never thought of before. And I got all fired up. Just ask my dad…

11 The Complete Works of E.M.Bounds I discovered Bounds at time when I was in a season of prayer and fasting and a little brokenhearted. He just made sense and was in a way a cheerleader for lack of a better word to keep on praying and then pray some more because it does matter. It does make a difference. I often got a picture of this fiery little man standing on a soapbox under a big tent saying with great authority and fervor, “The Church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men. The Holy Ghost does not flow through methods, but through men. He does not come on machinery, but on men. He does not anoint plans, but men…Men of prayer."

12 The Spirit Controlled Woman by Beverly LaHaye This in depth look into personality temperaments was just eye-opening to me 10 years ago when I first read it. I started to figure out why I do some of the things I do and why I act the way I act and what I can do to harness my weaknesses and make them into strengths. Mostly it helped identify my strengths and weakness so I could put a name to a feeling or reaction.

13 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Yet again one of the books that’s made a huge impact on my life. Though you’d never know from my dating track record… It has helped me understand people, students and significant others (when I happen to have one) much better.

14 Daughter of China by C. Hope Flinchbaugh I am partial to this book because I met the author and she deeply ministered to me. Her novel is a phenomenal look into the terrors and joys of being a Christian in China.

15 Love Walked Among Us By Paul Miller Jesus became so much more real to me as I was reading this book. It was challenging and refreshing. I just kept thinking I wish ______ would read this book that way they could see who Jesus really is.

16 The Light and the Glory by Peter Marshall & David Manuel it has been a long time since I read this but American history came alive for me in this book and to think about how God’s hand was constantly on this fledgling nation was just awe-inspiring.

17 Prescriptions for Nutritional Healing I refer to this book quite often when a case of hypochondria over takes me or I hear of a friend or loved one that has some kind of health issue. It is a good place to start in understanding the condition and offering some alternative healthcare suggestions. I used the book extensively when I was battling Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

18 The Narrative of the Captivity and Restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson by Mary Rowlandson I read this as part of American Literature class in college. I had never heard of the story/book before and I was greatly moved. At 20 it started to sink into my head the importance of memorizing scripture or at the very least memorizing the principles and concepts and getting the truth deeply planted in the heart so that when in some kind of “captivity” you will always have the truth of scripture with you. Mary survived an Indian captivity because the Word was in heart and it gave her strength to rely on the truth she had studied. I made it my business to get to a place where I really knew scripture well because of this book.

19 Loving Soren This was a page turner for me and also a timely much needed look into what happens when we make an idol of the man we love. It was not your typical novel. It is based on the life of Soren Kierkegaard, I am convinced that it was a better read for me because I didn’t know anything about Soren other than that he was a famous writer/philosopher. Not knowing more about him made the book more suspenseful.

20 No Compromise by Melody Green This is the autobiography of Keith Green lyricists of numerous praise and worship songs. This is the book the Holy Spirit led me to and used to teach and prepare me for some trying times.

Riddle

Riddle: What do you get when you put together a wedding, a hospitable friend and a couple plane tickets?

Answer: A couple out for an adventure.

But where?: The home of my old "fathers & mothers", where sunflowers grow tall, wine flows freely and a tomato gets its name from one of the country's major cities.
"Arrivederci, Havertown PA"...

I am going on a vacation in 10 days!

St. Peter's Rocks

Well it could go either way St. Peter's rocks or St. Peter's ROCKS!

In this case, I am really talking about rocks...

Walter and I went hiking on a rocky creek in St. Peter's Village. It was a pleasant day for climbing from rock to rock... my favorite pastime! Kids were splashing around in the water. Others were making there way on the maze of rocks. Some just watched as the rest of us played.

It's such an exhilarating place! Can even be a cure for PMS induced crankiness! (At least for me anyway.) We climbed large boulders. It is a problem solving sort of place because you really have to think about how to get from here to there without getting wet or hurt!

And towards the end we found a rock to sit on and dip our feet in without actually having to touch the slimy bottom. As much as I love creeks I can't tolerate the slimy rocks!

In the Valley

Vrooom went my engine as I climbed the steep hill wondering if I should take it like the Dukes of Hazzard or slower like an Amish buggie. I decided on slow, figuring I would savor better the valley that is revealed when you drive this stretch of road.

Yeah, good thing I opted for slow so I could see the deer coming into the road just over the hill! Valley Forge deer are so trusting and I often wonder what the % is of deer that get hit by cars. Thankfully, my car didn't increase the %.

Mr. Hillman

...He was one of my favorite people, but I am not the only one who felt that way. This was evidenced today by the sheer number of people who came to say good-bye one last time and mourn as well as rejoice with his family.

Mr. Hillman in direct and indirect way impacted my life in tremendous ways. I might have done some pretty dumb things were it not for the Hillmans...

Every Tuesday night for at least 3 years I went to the Hillman's house for Bible Study, fellowship, and chili dip. Though the numbers of people ebbed and flowed over those years, I kept going because I loved the Hillmans. I was always greeted with a hug and kiss on the cheek by Mr. Hillman. He could tell the best stories about stuff that happened during the day. He had charisma and a welcoming spirit. He loved Jesus and everyone that knew him knew he loved Jesus, but it was never obnoxious or overbearing. It was real. It was genuine.

I watched for years as he poured out his heart into so many young people's lives -ice hockey players and young adults from the church. He gave his time and loved us. In loving us, you either were introduced to the love of Jesus or you learned to love Jesus more.

Its hard to think of him not being on earth anymore. Hard to think of him not beside Cathy. Hard to think of his 3 grandchildren not getting to know their Poppy like we all got to know him.
But when I think of him with Jesus and how utterly happy he is in heaven smiling that smile I loved, I can't help but be excited.

Because you know, I been to a lot of funerals for people who were really "good" people... but you don't know for sure where there heart was with Jesus. I know where his heart was -as did everyone else.

I saw so many people today that I haven't seen in years. People I cared deeply for or were deeply touched by. Years fall away as you embrace and cry together. While old friends were united to remember you, I think you, Mr. Hillman are up there running into all the people you haven't seen in years that went before. And someday will meet up again -maybe in even enjoy some chili-dip!

Welcome

Gerbera daisies are such a friendly flower. This old wash tub I have adopted as a home for these welcoming flowers. They usually bloom all summer long. It just so happened that all the flowers died off at the same time so for a couple of weeks I just had lush green leaves. But as you call see they are back to blooming again... welcoming us home each day and greeting our guests with bright hellos.

Find out more on gerbera daisies... http://www.plantfacts.com/Family/Asteraceae/Gerbera.jamesonii.shtml

Sounds, Smells and Tastes of Summer

The Sounds

A new family has moved in with us. Because they are small birds I call them house wrens because to me all small birds are house wrens! I really have no idea what they are but they are cute. I was able to catch a photo of them urging momma to hurry up with breakfasting by their persistent chirping. I did think I might be taking my life in my hands... I got the idea momma was watching me closely and was ready for a fight if need be!

The Smells

My roommate and I were in the yard one evening looking at our mimosa tree. She told me the story of how when she first moved here she was so intrigued one night by the fragrance that she ended up walking right into a mimosa and the sweet smelling blossoms tickled her nose. It's not hard to see why. They do have the sweetest scent and I simply love the leaves of this tree; their just as airy as the flowers. My own funny story with a mimosa tree is this... I was talking to my college boyfriend's dad and suggested that he smell the mimosa flowers I had been rolling around in my hands but he said, "No, I haven't been able to smell in years." I sure felt dumb!

The Tastes

For the past few years dad and I have gone to pick blueberries at a small farm in town. We tie an old coffee can around our wastes and lose ourselves and sometimes each other in rows of blueberry bushes. I do so love the sound of the first few berries plinking into the can. For $5 and about 45 minutes of time we come away with approximately 12 cups of blueberries. My favorite recipe is a blueberry buckle or crumble... basically blueberries baked till bubbly with some butter, flour and sugar crumbled on top. YUMMY

picture from http://www.food-info.net/uk/colour/anthocyanin.htm

Bedlam

Today, I was expecting bedlam. Instead everything went smoothly! Why does that surprise me? After all I prayed a lot about this particular day and the challenges I knew I would face. Moving the office, 10 Chinese Scholars visiting, not to mention my regular duties.

Still I was surprised that I got everything done I needed to at the Post Office and the Chinese Food Restaurant and the van rental place. I even managed to print, fold and stuff 40 letters despite being surrounded by many boxes. And we got things straightened out with EZPass! A major scratch off the list!

I guess I am the worst case scenario girl. I always think the worst and then can't believe it (and yet also relieved) when it doesn't happen.

I had the chance to spend a little time talking to an older lady tonight who reminded me of many answered prayers. Today was proof that God is in the small details and he does answer prayer.

He smooths things out to prevent bedlam - sometimes. Perhaps this is because he knows sometimes we'll appreciate his goodness and love toward us in the smoothness of things rather than us having to smooth out the bedlam.

I am not sure what expect tomorrow bedlam or smooth sailing but goodness and love will be there.

Reminds Me of the Wardrobe... in Narnia

We'll be moving into our new office suite next week Right now, I am surrounded by boxes and volunteers. They are eager to help, but they leave me flustered as I am not a good mover, packer, or delegater. And I don't like to be rushed.

I have seen a lot go into this building as the skilled workers came and went and did there thing.
And now that it is almost finished I have been able to go from one building to another with great ease... now that the wall between the buildings is a doorway.

To get to the new building you have to go through the supply closet and each time I open the door and go through the dark closet full of paper, envelopes, boxes and a refrigerator I am struck by what a strange sense of delight it causes. I get the sense that I am like Lucy or Edmund climbing through the Wardrobe into Narnia. I am walking through confusion and dusty boxes into something new and kind of unchartered.

It won't be this way for long... soon the closet will be demolitioned, but for now I will hold on to that bit of wonder each little trek through the closet to the new building creates.

Steaming Toward the DuPonts

Walter drives steam cars for fun, he took me, his parents and my grandpop on a Steam Car Tour Wednesday. One of the stops was at one of the home of a DuPont... you know Teflon, black powder, "Safety First"...

What a thrill to be there and bring my Pop.

I come from a long line of DuPont employees. My great-grandfather Luigi Fabiani worked at the Repauno dynamite factory for 40some years, my grandpop was a supervisor at Jackson Lab -and prides himself on knowing the names and spelling of everyone who worked there. And my dad was a draftsman for 30some years at DuPont. For my whole life, I have been influenced by the importance of "Safety First," something my dad brought home as a lesson for his family to learn. So what an opportunity to meet one of the ancestors of a man whose chemistry advancements and business sense has financially supported the Fabianis for well over 50 years.

Our gracious hosts provided lunch on the lawn under a tent for the group of 60+ Steam Car Tour participants. Our lovely hosts coupled with the weather made this one of the most delightful days -at times I felt like I stuck in an extra long Eden Moment! Billowy clouds, refreshing breeze, warm sun but not too hot, stunning views and just this sense that I was in a special moment for so many reasons. The only thing that was missing was an organza dress and flower-donned hat, but even that was ok.

Mr. DuPont took Pop and I for a tour of his pipe organ, and he shared personal family stories. We had the opportunity to wander around this first floor, which revealed a couple who are classy and yet very down to earth and family orientated!

It was a wonder full day and I am glad I was able to spend this time with my Pop.

A Fedex to....

So you'll never guess who I sent a Fedex to today?

Hillary Rodham Clinton!

Not that I am a fan... but you know when you live a simple life and you get to send a Fedex to a presidential candidate who has the potential to turn the United States into more a liberal country than it already is well... it is certainly something to blog about.

So you know what, I was thinking about the most the whole time I was in the Fedex shop?
Is my hand writing neat enough???

I don't think it was very neat. Mostly, I am concerned someone at the Senate office say, "What idiot wrote this scribble out?" Ultimately, it is legible enough for the Fedex guy... I guess that's the most important part.


I also saw a very large man walking a very tiny dog. That struck me as funny!

Hope Abounds Even for the Over 30?

In Unprotected I read (on page 120-121) about Amanda who is 38 and now wants children. This is her reality...

"Even if she soon falls in love and marries, ... her chances of conceiving
each month have decreased by 75%, compared to when she was 30.
Of course, it could still happen, if she's lucky. But if she does conceive,
the possibility of miscarriage has tripled, the rate of still birth has doubled,
and the risk of genetic abnormality is six times as great. Her pregnancy is
more likely to be complicated by high blood pressure or diabetes and her
baby is more likely to be premature or low birth weight, conditions associated
with neurological impairment as well as sudden infant death."

If you are over 30 and want kids but are missing a husband, you probably know some of these statistics. If you are over 30 and want a career and still think you have time for kids after your career is established you may not know these statistics... welcome to the over 30 reality.

Ok so where is the abounding hope? God opens the womb and He closes the womb and we should trust His will for our life. Well yeah...

Still when I read about Amanda, I got nervous for myself. I certainly haven't chosen singleness. I mean I wanted to be married with kids by now, that's not been my lot in life so far. I am one headed for "high risk pregnancy." This of course made me think of some of my girlfriends who are in the same boat - some a little older some a littler younger than me.

And yes God is sovereign and we need to trust Him, but sometimes its really hard. And sometimes what God gives us doesn't make us happy.

But I am encouraged, because stirring within me is an urgency to double my efforts to pray and encourage hope. A couple months ago, I purchased 4 copies of The Allure of Hope (my favorite book) to give away. I feel that strongly about that book. I wanted my friends to be challenged and encouraged by it the way I was.

Recipient #1 called me the other day and was surprisingly impressed with the book.
Recipient #2 told me tonight "it is the best book I have ever read. It is drawing me to close to God. Every page has something..."
Recipient #3 is waiting for school to let out
Recipient #4 will be receiving her copy soon.

Recipient #4 has my heart aching for her because she is just so frustrated. She wants a good man and to have children and she is seeking God and praying, but still having to deal with the reality of age and seeing other people get what she wants.

So as I was out walking tonight, God laid it on my heart to fast for her. One of the other struggles of being over 30 is the few extra pounds you never had before. You may not be able to see it but I do. I can say "no" to cookies and cakes, but I don't. But I will, I'll do it for you #4 because I know and understand your pain and frustration. And I don't want to see you facing what "Amanda" is facing... anymore than I do!

So hope is abounding, the Allure of Hope is doing its works among many hearts, I am planning to say "no" to cookies, cakes, sweet breads and pancakes, God is at work in matching me & my girlfriends with men who will love, adore and walk the paths of righteousness with them and He does open the wombs... so apparently hope is abounding even for the over 30

So Cool

Walter and I were brousing Barnes and Noble Sunday, when I spoted a familiar pink book.
Cup of Comfort for Women. I have 3 devotionals in this daily inspirational book. What a marvelous thrill to see you name in print in the middle of Barnes and Noble! Its pretty cool!

Best Chain Letter Ever

One of the best email "fowards" I have seen in a long time.
I got a really good laugh out of this one!

The Chain Letter We've Been Waiting For
by Nora Ephron

Dear Friends,
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to tired and discouraged women.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your female friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundleup the man in your life, send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes,
you will receive 15,625 men. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have, if you have one.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 men, all of whom were better than the sad example she starte out with. An unmarried woman living with her widowed mother was able to choose between a Chippendale dancer and an Olympic swimmer.

You can be lucky, too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back! So let's keep it going, ladies! Just add your name and address to the list below: Laura Bush 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC

Ok so its a little twisted... but you got to admit its funny... though I for one wouldn't trade my Walter in for any of the 15,625 men I could get...

World's Colliding

Tonight was social night for the Bible study girls -destination the Devon Horse Show.
While waiting for everyone to show up we watched the end of Seinfeld.

In this episode, George was freaking out because his "worlds" were colliding. His friend Elaine started hanging out with his girlfriend and George wanted to keep his friends separate from his girlfriend. George said, "World's are colliding! George is getting upset!"

I've never been to the Devon Horse Show. However, I have been to the 4-H fair. It didn't take too long to figure out that there is a pretty big difference. At a 4-H fair you'll find the usually farm animals, as well as plenty of kids and adults in jeans and boots or sneakers. You'll find people from average middle class families - real down to earth types. But at the Devon Horse, I noticed that worlds were colliding before my very eyes! Just like George I kept saying, "World's are colliding!" I can't say I was getting upset but I was overly visually stimulated! I wish had been able to take pictures... but here is a visual snapshot of worlds colliding it might make for an interesting tale... maybe a horse tale.

I'll start out there... with the horse's tale... The horse's tale was dragging on the ground! I never saw a tale so long before! He was the Crystal Gail of horses! The horse's rider wore a shirt with large sequins. They won. But honestly, all the horses were doing the same thing I don't know how they pick a winner.

Throughout the show/competition there was someone playing an organ, which reminded me of Larry Ferrari who none of you will remember or even know about but... it was a fond memory from childhood.

Then, there was green pants guy... He wore kelly green pants, a non-matching striped shirt and one of those scarf things that men who drink port and smoke pipes wear. He walked around like he drinks port and smokes pipes too.

There was yellow dress girl... Her dress was too short and her bosoms were hanging out. She was walking around with a good looking guy who was wearing seersucker shorts. I don't know a single guy who wears seersucker shorts. (Ok maybe I have seen my Grampop wear something in a seersucker.) Clearly though this guy fell into the preppy world of which apparently I am not a part of... was I ever?

Cowgirl... like you would imagine... jeans and dusty boots but not like the type of boots that look like she is trying to prove to the world that she is a cowgirl... but rather some dusty boots and a radiating sense that she just loves horses.

Satin Sheek woman... she was actually the first woman I noticed that indicated to me that worlds would be colliding. She was perfect elegance in olive green satin and black lace and chiffon and a fancy black hat. She probably had heels on though I didn't see for myself. No one with any sense would wear a getup like that with anything but black heels... and there she was hovering around a horse. You know a horse... big strapping beast ...

I must not forget... big old honking diamond ring woman... if I were a fearless thief with a knife... I could retire with that finger. Oh my gosh that's really gross I know. I can't help myself that's what I thought though when I saw it. I also wondered if it was really real...

Oh yeah... 80 year old woman in heels... nuf said.

I could go on about all the women in sundresses and pumps verses the women in shorts or capri's and sensible sneakers (like me ;-) or turquoise & cowgirl hats verses the bobbly pearls and feathery hats...

Men with bow ties or should I say men who would wear bow ties...

There were lots of dogs too. Oh and one lady was pushing her dog around in enclosed stroller just for dogs. So people really do that!

I have also wondered who are the people who buy the capris that I see in catalogs with dragonflies and palm trees embroidered all over them... I found out who they are tonight!

Get this, at the concession stand you could get hummus and pita -now where have you ever seen that? I won't complain it seemed like a good idea... but you can tell that a hotdog and funnel cake isn't going to be sufficient for some of their clientele...

You know I've heard about some of these types of people existing, yet I have only heard about or seen them on TV. I've rarely if ever seen them in my world! And there I was seeing them all collide together Old Money and new money... and no money. Horse lovers and prestige lovers. Sensible sneakers and slip on pumps. General admission and boxed seats! People who just like horses or funnel cake and people who actually know what they are watching!

This was all in just 2 hours. I wonder what it feels like to be the cowgirl surrounded by elegant hat-topped women in heels at every horse show... ?

This is why subcultures are so interesting to me... people gathering together for a common goal or interest whether it be rocks and minerals or Star Trek. In tonight's case its horses... and I was just amazed at the type of people that horses bring together. Or should I say horses bring many worlds into collision... Maybe someone more involved in this subculture could say how they all get along with each other. Maybe its all fine for them. As for me, I was exhausted from this evening of people watching and worlds colliding and I have retreated into the world I know. I think I will stick with going to the 4-H fair... its more my speed... more of my own people there.

But maybe it is a good thing that so many different people can be united or collided together ... because there are certainly a great many things that people of various backgrounds still need to come together on. There are important things and we don't want to end up freaking out like George saying, "World's are colliding! George is getting upset!" But Rather "World's are colliding! Isn't that wonderful!"

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

P.S. I blogged on the CWP...I thought it time to breath some life back into it!

In the clouds? in the pond... in the news!

I don't have my head in the clouds... but it sure does look like I have my head in the azaleas! Some random thoughts from the day...

During my I-need-fresh-air-walk, as usual I stopped to check out the fish in the pond next door. There was a lady feeding the fish crushed up potato chips. It was fun to watch the fish feed in a frenzy, but I couldn't stop thinking about whether it was good for the fish and the goslings that later came on to the scene to eat potato chips. The pond had a rainbowy oil slick from all the potato chip grease. It kind of took the pleasure out it for me and then I started to think about the fact that I eat potato chips... maybe I have an oil slick in me!

Tonight, I read an article on Prince and his plans for the future... on cnn.com.

It said:

The 48-year-old, who said he was getting his inspiration these days from
"prophets from the Bible", added that he did not expect to be back in London
performing for some time after the 2007 visit.
"That's another reason why we're trying to stay so long. I just need to take some time off for study and travel." When asked what he was studying, he replied: "The Bible".

So I couldn't but think this was very interesting. The Word is alive and perhaps his studying will change his life for eternal good. It also occurred to me that maybe his former background singer/dancer Shelia E. has a part to play. She is a Christian perhaps she still is in contact with him. Perhaps she prays for him...

Mill & Bryn Mawr Ave.

Its not the first time I have had revelation and/or startling at the intersection of Mill and Bryn Mawr. There was the time I blanked out and had know idea where I was -now that was very startling!

So today, I waited at the red light as a woman turned the corner coming around what felt like dangerously close to me! I said to myself, "We put so much trust in our fellow drivers not to kill us, maim us, or at the very least damage our car or catch our heart in our throat when just nearly scrape by all the above!"

It hardly seems possible to me that I could have so much trust in so many people who for moments in passing have my life in there hands and yet I have a hard time trusting God!

Why is it that it is so difficult to trust God, yet we trust our fellow drivers as they weave in and out and maneuver these machines in and out of parking spaces with such apparent skill. When really haven't we all learned it by trial and error?

Perhaps... we trust God more than we think we do because we trust fellow drivers. And isn't God in control of each of them? Or perhaps its not that we trust fellow drivers, its that we don't fully comprehend that we aren't the only people on the road! We drive around these people coming in and out of their lives running into anger, frustration and impatience and not enough waving people on who want to turn left.

Maybe its not so much that we put our trust in so many drivers but that so many drivers put their trust in you and me -the driver.

I Guess its that time of year again...

Vote for me signs are everywhere lately. I have know idea who they are. I have only lived here little over a year... What struck me as funny other than the awful green signs with the blue lettering (they are very unreadable) is the fact that none of the signs tell you when election day is. Unlike my hometown this town doesn't send sample ballots... so I am really at a loss.

Strange thing is as I was driving into work today, at a major intersection there were about 6 people on 4 corners -all walks of life- holding "vote for me signs." One guy just held the sign up straight in the air never giving his arms a break.... he could give Moses a run for his money!
Another guy was holding two signs giving them both a shake shake. The whole thing was just weird; I thought I had stumbled into a strike or a political protest. Never have I seen anything like this! Though I could see it happening on Election Day maybe.... which begged the whole question of when the heck is Election Day and I hope it is soon because I have no patience for "elect me" lawn signs for the rest of the summer! Today's not Election Day is it? There wouldn't be elections on a Friday!

What it boils down to is spring elections create little enthusiasm and maybe that was the purpose of the human held elect me lawn signs -making the election a little bit more personal... But I don't need that on my morning commute... anymore than I need a guy standing on a corner with sign reading "Going Out of Business- Everything must go! No offer will be refused!" It amounts to the about the same thing drumming up business...

What Would Jesus Drive?

So I woke up today thinking about left hand turns. This lead me to thinking about Jesus as a automobile driver and wondering whether he would let left hand turners make their turns or not. This led me to thinking about what kind of car Jesus would drive if he was on earth today.


Initially, I decided it would be a Honda Hybrid for personal use -because they are fuel efficient and though I highly doubt Jesus would be a radical environmentalist I do think he would be conscious of being a good steward of the earth he created- and also a white 15 passenger van when taking the guys out.


Walter was thinking more along the lines of a Jeep. In response to my Hybrid notion he said:


"He wouldn't be foolhardy and wasteful, but if you knew how wasteful
hybrids are in the grand scheme of things (such as increased energy
invested towards manufacture and disposal of large and
expensive batteries every 5 to 7 years) they don't look as
appealing as the environmentalist types would like you to
think. More goes into making a car than what the car can recover itself.
Manufacturing is a funny thing. .... maybe a Subaru Outback?"

Yes of course an Outback!The perfect compromise!

I did also suggest that since he was a carpenter maybe some kind of truck maybe a Dodge Ram or something but then again maybe he would drive a Suburban just get a rise out of the Pharisaical environmentalists!


So what of the question of whether Jesus would let the left hand turners turn or not. For that I came to this conclusion, as he is driving down the road he knows who needs to learn patience and who doesn't, he knows who can't afford to be late, he also knows who should be late. Simultaneously, he holds up traffic and lets it go with each persons route in mind. (He does this even when he isn't driving ;-) The fact that he recently let me turn left still has me a little surprised.

Left Hand Turns

Left hand turns - perhaps its the area I live in but I see an awful lot of people trying to turn left amidst commuter traffic on back roads with lots of houses and very few traffic lights. Its a wonder anyone makes it to work for all the people being held up by left hand turners.

Sometimes I keep on driving too and let them sit there with their turn signal blinking, my excuse being that I am still partially asleep and don't have the wherewithal to stop and wave them across. But when I do -like today- I all but have to send a personal invitation that "you may now turn." Perhaps the suddenly stopped car and a wave of the hand aren't enough. Oh no they want a hearty wave of the hand or a flash of the lights. So is it the fine print in our minds that says, "You can't trust other drivers" or perhaps it is more like this we don't expect people to actually let us cross or make the left turn. So you just sit there in a daze and wait for some break in traffic while 20some cars wait frustratingly behind with terrible thoughts directed toward the left hand turner rather than all those passing by on the opposite side of the street. And you can be sure most of the 20some being held up wouldn't left the left hand turners turn either if they were on the other side of the road!

So today I tried. I stopped. I waved. I waved again. I flashed my lights. All the while hoping those behind me didn't decide to keep on going!
And the left hand turner -with a surprised look on her face- finally made the turn!

Why so surprised I thought? Is it just my neck of the woods? Morning rush hour drivers? A narcissistic society with only thoughts of personal schedules and not the common good?

So I traveled on convicted because of the fleeting surprised look on the left hand turners face. Also I recalled all the others surprised looks I have gotten when I have occasionally stopped the flow of traffic to let someone make their turn and I saw myself!

Life's circumstance seem to have conditioned me not to expect someone to come along and let me turn! I have sat and waited hoping for a break in traffic. So when someone comes along I am surprised and bewildered. Therefore a little slow to move and not ready to make my turn because I have been waiting for something and all but had given up hope of it happening.

Busted

So Friday I got into a little bit of trouble. For months now we have been under construction and watching from the lunch/work room. I have been wanting to climb through the window into the construction zone since there was a floor installed! So Friday we did it. (I'll protect my accomplice's name;-) We tromped through the window as we took a look-see at the drywallers, sprinkler installers and HVAC people. When we were done, we came back to the window and it was closed. We banged on it till someone came to let us in. Someone wasn't pleased. Not only had we tracked in drywall dust but we were a liability. Yeah, I know not too smart.

I have always been a rule follower. I can only remember a few times in grammar school when I knowingly did something wrong. Invariably I got caught and I hated the feeling I being caught. I felt like that Friday- sheepish. Although, I am glad I got the urge to climb through the window out of my system! I was remembering an old boyfriend who took me hiking at Bushkill Falls -many years ago- he wanted to go off the trail. I would have no parts of it because their rule was "Stay on the Trail." He thought I was a killjoy. Perhaps.

Rules are there for a reason, common sense said I shouldn't climb through the window into a construction zone. I did and I got caught. Listening to our common sense is just as important as listening to the still that small voice speak. If we use our common sense then it isn't necessarily necessary for the Holy Spirit to speak.

Tonight the Holy Spirit did speak, he said, "Go see cousin Pat." I know better than to argue with him when he says stuff like this, I argued anyway. I tried to fain "I am too tired" or "maybe she doesn't want guests at this hour." I was even straightforward with the Holy Spirit when I said, "I just don't want to!" Naaa none of those excuses would eliminate the nudge to go. It was the right thing to do. She is sick and lonely and a visit is the least I could do... (I should probably be happy that the Holy Spirit choose to speak to me.)

Its probably worse to disobey the Holy Spirit's urging than to get caught covered in drywall dust outside of a window you shouldn't have gone through...
Even for a notorious rule follower like me, I find that I still have a long way to go before I come close always do the right thing or using common sense!

Hotenough.com

I've just been reading on cnn.com Dating site asks 'are you hot enough?

Hotenough.com ... how about justnormal.com ?

This might be why the world is amuck... or more likely just a symptom of a world in a muck.

The article says:
"HotEnough.org is for "fit, good-looking" people. Prospective members must submit pictures and must be rated an 8 or higher by people already in the club." "The 33-year-old said he and his partner, Sean Cohen, created the site after concluding that Internet dating sites attract a lot of brave and desperate people but not particularly attractive ones." "Candidates must send in three pictures, including one full-body shot. Active members rate the pictures online without knowing anything else about the people in them." "People can say that the site is shallow, they can say it's superficial, but I think we're all a bit superficial when it comes to dating," Pellegrino said.

I guess to some looks really are all that matter. Now granted I too have seen some pretty unattractive people in my online dating exploits but to have an online dating sight that is solely based on looks feels like discrimination mixed with narcissism to me. Never mind that a beautiful woman may have the attention span of a goldfish or a handsome guy may be cruel and enjoy kicking dogs across the room... as long as they are good looking who cares.

Ok so maybe I am still a little bitter that there persists this "pretty people" population who think that they can perpetuate their species beyond the doors of high school thus continuing to condemn and judge the world of average looking beauties not pretty enough for them...
Granted I wouldn't want to be with someone who looks like Attila the Hun or the Elephant man.

I think it might be better to have a dating website called justnormal.com.
In which only normal people are admitted. Those with social disorders such as fear of commitment or fear of having children need not apply nor should those who are afraid to leave their house or who have piles of newspapers and beer cans lining their walls. And to protect the guys from women running around like loose emotional canons, women would be blocked from participating during PMS... its just safer for everyone that way!

I guess it is just indicative of a world that centers on "me" and what "I" want versus being open to what God wants... or being open to God at all.

It's a shallow world full of shallow godless people and it just becomes more and more evident in the dating world everyday. However, at the same time I am becoming more and more convinced that those who seek God can rest assured that He has a plan to bring people together whether He chooses to use the online dating site you've signed up with or not is entirely up to Him.

The Symbolism Behind Car Accidents

As a writer I look for symbolism in life. There is symbolism in car accidents that warrant some exploration or discussion.

In 2001, I was in accident but I saw him coming and all I could do was try and get out of the way. I went up a curb and he still hit me. Providentially, a tree was cut down 3 weeks earlier so I would have a clear place to drive my car rather than wrapping it around a tree AND getting hit by an uninsured driver with a suspended license!

Compare that to last month, where I didn't know what was happening until after it happened. There was no warning. There was no screaming at the deranged driver hoping that would change what was about to happen. There was no chance to try and get out of the way.

I think of where I was in 2001 and where I am in 2007. In 2001, I was dating someone who just wasn't the right one for me. I knew this and I ignored it as long as I could because sometimes its just easier to be with someone even if they aren't the right someone! But after the accident, I realized that I had to get off that road! I needed to make a drastic turn and I did that when I saw behavior in him that couldn't go unmentioned. Mentioning it brought out even worse behavior and so there was no turning back. I got off the road. I still got "hit" but it could have been worse.

On the day of the 2007 accident, something monumental happened earlier in the day. Some of you who will read this will know what I am talking about. For the rest of you, just know that when Jesus says you will know the truth and the truth will set you free he wasn't kidding. Compound this monumental event with the life of a single working woman who who has been in a rut for so long because of God's silence and who wrestles with God because he keeps her still single. I knew I needed something dramatic to happen; things couldn't go on like this. And there wasn't anything I could do -like break up with a boyfriend- to change things. I needed a jolt! I got just that. And I just can't go back to the way things were and had been. The jolt made sure of that it. Its like the truth came out and the jolt shut down the road I was on for good.

In 2001, I needed to get off the road and I did. In 2007, the jolt helped get me out of the rut I was in. When truth sets you free you just can't go back to living among lies again or lack of information. I think for me, the car accident jolted this deep into my soul. And I thank God for the jolt.

Blurred Beauty

I had this dream last night that I was at my friend Scott's new apartment. And when I looked out his windows I saw great big castles on little islands in the river. They were beautiful but he was up so high that it appeared like everything around me was moving and swaying. So I couldn't even enjoy the view. I had to look away because it was making me sick to my stomach.

After a day of pondering this dream, I think the interpretation is something like this... the circumstances in life are keeping me from seeing the beauty that is all around me. So I can either look and steel myself until I don't feel as affected by the movement of circumstances or I can continue to look away and not see the beauty all around... even the beauty in the circumstances.

My Poor Car

It looks a little better than it did Sunday night... but this is after the mechanic started checking out the damage and taking things apart. It was almost considered totaled. almost...

I am extremely thankful it was the wheel and not my door! Please continue to pray for me and Mel as we are both suffering from sore necks. Please also pray for the Bolton family -a Bolton hit me and was cited for a DUI. They seem to be well known by the police. And the fact the guy was high and driving with a baby in the car goes to show you that this family and the guy need alot of prayer and maybe prison time! I just hope his car insurance is paid up. I'd really like to use my tax return for a vacation not a deductible!

There is probably a lot more I could say but I'll let the picture say the rest for now!

Passionate Celibacy on a Snowy Valentine's Day

For Valentine's Day-
"...here's wishing you, as Oscar Wilde says, a 'passionate celibacy!'" so said my friend the other day.

2 years ago I wrote a devotional that would be published for the winter quarter of 2007. The specific day I wrote for was today February 14, 2007 -Valentine's Day! In it I stated I thought it rather ironic that I got to do the Valentine's devotional, me a single woman who at the time of writing was suffering a rather fresh broken heart.

So for the last 2 years I have thought of all the people who would one day read today's devotional and be moved to pray for me -perhaps that I would get a Valentine for next year! I have been looking forward to this day, for some reason I have been depending on this powerful host of prayers and prayerers to bring about a breakthrough of some kind! And as I sat thinking about Valentine's Day 2007 I know I felt those prayers all day.

Valentine's Day was eclipsed by a SNOW DAY! So it didn't really feel like Valentine's Day much at all. There was no room for feeling sorry for myself or disappointed in any way because the day was so full of cozy loveliness and roommate camaraderie.

The day went like this:
The sound of sleet or freezing rain hitting against my window was a sure sign that I would be sleeping in... All 4 of us were home! By 9ish we started to make our way to the kitchen. What followed was homefries with sausage and eggs. Then, some connecting with the bosses to figure out if I could in fact stay home all day. The 4 of us cleared the driveway and came into chicken noodle soup and brownies. We watched "The Illusionist" - excellent movie I highly recommend it- I clapped at the end. I lite my first fire in the fireplace and all night we sat cozily by the fire beading, quilting, surfing the Internet, sipping Lambrusco to the tunes of Frank Sinatra and Michael Buble' which at times inspired a little cha-cha-cha hip action! Did I mention I spent the whole day in my pjs! At one point, we ran out of logs so I put on my boots to gather more. It felt strangely exhilarating, the chill of the night and the thrill of gathering wood as if I were
momentarily an Ingles or a frontierswoman...

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day ... a snowy Valentine's Day with my roomies.
And I have had at the back of my mind this "passionate celibacy" that my friend jokingly wished for me... my response to him was "But if I must have celibacy... then it might as well be passionate!"

I'm pleased to say it was a passionate day... a Passionate Celibacy on a Snowy Valentine's Day... it is possible and it is simply lovely...

Reflections

It was cold and sunny and a glorious Saturday. Because hope, glory and wonder abound my afternoon walk at the creek refreshed and ushered me into the presence of God.

The stirring sound of the moving water and the way the water reflected the sunlight on the underside of the "Monet" bridge as I like to think of it was just gorgeous! (I tried to get this to play as a video, but no such luck.)

When my fingers started to go numb I decided to sit in the car with the heater on! From my car seat, I looked over at the opposite side of bridge and I could see more reflections on the underside of the bridge and then I saw 2 deer -one of which was dripping wet. I thought to myself: if I had come a little later or a little earlier or if I parked in a different place or left right away I might not has seen either. What a loss that would have been!

And the song that played in the background of these thoughts and the deer and the sunny reflections went like this, "...Here in your presence heaven and earth become one..." That's what it felt like heaven and earth were melding together and I was in God's presence and his reflection could be seen all around.

On Dying Well

This week I have witnessed from a far -through the intimacy of blogs- the triumphant homegoing of Al Groves a professor at Westminster Theological Seminary.

Although I met him only once and emailed him a couple of times for work I have been greatly touched by his dying so well. He was a man that was loved by all those who knew him. I remember my heart broke with the Westminster community when they found out last year that Al had terminal cancer because I knew how important he was to them.

Over the past year, I witnessed through his blog what happens when a Christian gets cancer.
His wife blogged on his final days and hours that there was much storytelling, laughing, singing, praying, and the blessed assurance that soon Al would see Jesus face to face.

He died well because he lived well.

http://algroves.info/ If anything read the entry for 1-16-07...

The Thieves

In "Hope and Joy Will Find You," the question posed is: One thief who steals my dreams is named...? I could never really pinpoint a name. But I could tell you what the thief said!
"What's the use?"
"Why you?"
"You are such a fool!"
"That's not for you."

But I finally have name for the thieves who rob me of my dreams and my hope and my joy!
Their names are "Reality" and "Statistics."

Reality says there aren't too many good Christian guys looking for a good woman. And Statistics don't "lie" the chances of getting hit by a bus are increasing... then again so is winning the lottery.

Now the question is am I going to trust Thieves or trust God. I am working on trusting God.

Heck, maybe the bus driver will be single and looking out for me ;-) i digress...

Lost Joy

It is no surprise to me that I at most times lack passion and joy. I can give reasons why I lack these 2 friends of the soul. None of them should stand up against the gospel, but I try.

While dusting I opened a book I haven't cracked open in probably 1o years - The Collected Works of Emily Dickinson- given to me by my old best friend who no longer speaks to me. Maybe that's why I never wanted to open it; it reminded me of her. Anyhow...!
It opened and I saw the title: Lost Joy

I Had a daily bliss

I half indifferent viewed,

Till sudden I perceived it stir,-

It grew as I purused,

Till when, around a crag,

It wasted from my sight,

Enlarged beyond my utmost scope,

I learned its sweetness right.

Ok so maybe I haven't read the book much because I don't get poetry! I got the title though! I got it down real good. I am the story of lost joy or never found joy. And I really don't know how to get it but I have known its missing. They say, "knowing is half the battle" but how do you win the other half? But I am seeking joy, the kind that may falter but is never lost.

Words that Keep on Speaking

Last Friday I guess you could say I experienced a case of "6 degrees of separation." Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit doing what He does best -speaking through people to other people and sometimes to entirely different people even after the words were spoken.

I was leafing through a book my boss helped write. I admit I had never leafed through this book (The Practical Calvinist) before. I came across a name I recognized Andree Seu (a writer for World Magazine and also an employee at Westminster Theological Seminary) and read her anecdotal contribution. Speaking of one of the professors she shared how during a time of open prayer at church she prayed and remembered it being a time of "self-pity and unbelief."
She said, "When prayer time was closed I opened my eyes to see Dr. Davis standing inches from my face. He looked me in the eye and said only, 'Most of the world's work is done by people who don't feel good.'"

I have never met Dr. Davis, but he might as well have been standing right in my face that Friday saying the very same thing to me. Here I am wracked with the same self-pity and unbelief that Andree knew and I want to believe I am not a hopeless case.

This little rendezvous with the Holy Spirit's gift of speaking through people again and again had a second appearance that day. I got to thinking about another Westminster professor Al Groves who is battling terminal cancer. He said this on blog on January 16, 2007: "He (God) still ferrets out the issues in my heart and leads me in repentance. The need for sanctification never ends; difficult circumstances have not given me a free pass." (yeah that one undid me.)

Dr. Davis was right "most of the world's work is done by people who don't feel good." People like Al Groves.

The power of the written word and the recorded spoken word is powerful to the saving of the soul for eternity. Sometimes those words save the saved soul that feels a little broken by her day or week or year.

Speak Holy Spirit, I want to listen. I want to obey.

Where Am I ?

Driving along to work today I was lost in thought... Something about being upset with a woman that said something really ignorant about a man I greatly respect. I started thinking about what it is I don't like about this woman and how maybe I don't like her because I see something of myself in her behavior. That kind of alarmed me as I did draw parallels which I'll for go airing here... Nevertheless, it was enough to really draw me into deep contemplation while I sat in traffic at a red light.

So I sat and thought and waited. And then the light turned green. I snapped out of my zone and I had KNOW IDEA WHERE I WAS!!! I don't mean I was lost like a made a wrong turn. I mean nothing looked familiar to me. Its like the memory of this road, this route where I was going even was momentarily gone. I was scared to death because I knew I was supposed to know. I knew I needed to make move. I finally came close enough to the street sign and kind of recognized the name (I should I drive it ever freaking day!!!) and I also knew I hadn't been a sleep -though that was suggested when I told someone the story. I just completely blanked! And it frightened me - a lot!

Hopefully, I am too young for senility so I am going to attribute this to the head cold I have which all day had me in a fog, sneezing and wishing I could stick tissue up my nose while I was at work- not a real professional look you know...

I could also super-spiritualize this experience but the fog is coming back and I think it might be time for a hot toddie and bed. But I think it could be summed up like this: God I don't know where I am with you and I think I may have said something ignorant to you.

The ALLURE of hope

Many times, I have read the book The Allure of Hope by Jan Meyers. Often I suggest it to others as a book that changed my life. Yet for some reason, I never quite thought about the title like I did today. I always emphasized the "Hope" part but didn't think too much of the word "Allure." I seemed to say it so quickly instead of letting it roll out of my mouth. Today I lingered and let it oxygenate me and "allure" spoke to me loudly.

I looked up what the word allure means: fascination; charm; appeal; to be attractive or tempting.

Why must hope allure us? because hope exhausts and maims and kills sometimes but it is like oxygen and you can't truly live without it.

And maybe that is the wonder of this wisdom-full book. When I am feeling more than a little hopeless I am always somehow pulled back -attracted- to this book. Tempted and charmed to find hope again. The lines I have underlined and starred act as an instant appeal to at least renew my energy to keep hope alive.

Great lines like this one (which I will be ruminating on in the days to come)
"When a woman's heart rests in the truth that the only thing left in the alleyway is to love others, then she lives from the allure of hope." (The alleyway is the place where your hopes are dashed.)

So hope allures to what could be and what will be. Life is teaching me the difference between "could" and "will." As painful as it sometimes is hope keeps alluring me back to believing the "coulds" can still happen.

Mom Just Doesn't Get It...

But then neither do I!
Mom emailed:
"Looks like every guy (you date) just wants to be your friend...
They all have commitment issues.
What ever happened to real men who couldn't wait to have some woman be the mother of their children? To bring forth their posterity. and all that stuff.
Maybe there's too much estrogen in the atmosphere.
I just don't get it."

I don't get it either mom.
I know its a stretch but maybe its time for men to boycott beef with all its hormone injections!!

Mummers 2007

Well I have always wanted to go to the Philadelphia Mummers parade.
But I have never been one for crowds, cold and the uncertainty of a bathroom. Once again my 101 list acted as a great motivation! Going to the Mummers parade was on my 101 list, so I thought I should go this year because when in my life's history will it be 73 degrees in January! I have also gotten a little bit more comfortable taking the train into the city. Fortunately, one of my roommates went with me. I think we were both awe struck by the vibrancy and detail of all the costumes. You just can't get a full flavor for it on TV. It was a well spent Saturday afternoon. Anytime you can do something you have never done before is a good time.

My New Year's Eve Prayer

Kill the compulsion God to be always on the prowl. Always looking. Always compiling a list of possibilities. Always thinking too much of someone who doesn’t think of me. Always, always, always, always disappointed and exhausted emotionally from all the work of looking and waiting. And it would be so easy for You to end it all. To send the one I am waiting for, searching for seemingly cannot live without or the compulsion to find him wouldn’t be so persistent.

We are living among emotional landmines and all the time being blown to pieces. Thrown all over the world of hurt and then we get ourselves a little bit back together and go back for more. Hoping maybe next time we'll make it through without getting killed again. That maybe next time you will answer our prayers. That you will bring us to him or him to us before it’s too late. Too late to have kids. Before we have no strength left and are overrun with bitterness and resignation. Before we decide to become an agnostic after all.

Kill the compulsion God because it is killing me.

Turning 33

My Birthday has now come and gone. I'll admit turning 33 was hard one to take. I thought I got it all out of my system 3 months ago, but the week preceding my big day on Dec. 22 wasn't pretty. I cried in the bathroom a work. I cried in the shower and at bedtime and at the chiropractor's.

My college friend says it best and it’s the reason for so many tears:

"Well- chin up girl. I know all about turning 33. 34 is in 5 months for me. My best friend is giving birth. 3 other friends are pregnant, others getting married, others loving being a stay at home mom. And here I am working hard because I have to. It does not seem fair but God has not lead me to a man to marry yet. So, here I will be ‘til then I guess."

Yeah that sums it up Friend. And I bang my head against the wall to figure out why it has to be this way, when I know that both of us are good women who long to be wives & mothers.

But there is nothing else to do but enjoy what we do have... and stay young in our heart instead of depressed. So... on my birthday...

• My roommate laid out beautiful breakfast then we went ice skating!
• For lunch we drank mimosas and ate fried hotdogs.
• I got a new haircut (of which I am very pleased.)
• Then, I went to dinner with 3 friends and a baby and they made me a pink cake (never had a pink cake before).

All in all it was a pleasant day. Thank God for that!

Switching...

If things look different it's because Janel is helping me switch to the new Blogger. Hopefully things will be back to normal SOON.

My Day Off

I had a lot planned for my day off yesterday: blood test, Verizon tech. coming to fix our DSL, baking cookies, and making ravioli - one of my 101 things to do in the next 1001 days.

I got up early. It is amazing how much easier it is to get out bed when you are about to do something you really want to do. What I wanted to do was get busy cooking, in order to do that I had to get to the lab for a blood test. The first place I went to couldn't take me... wrong forms for my insurance :-{
So I went to another lab. I walk in and there are only 2 people there -the phlebotomists. I saw one of them asleep against the wall and I said to myself, "This doesn't good." Just as I about to go get my blood drawn by "Dopey" Verizon called me. I'll spare you the details of incompetence and misinformation from Verizon; however, the actual tech guy did a great job! So back to the blood test with Dopey... I said to her,"Are you sure you are awake?" She said, "Yeah, I was just making poetry in my head." Oh brother....

Well, before I knew it she was making blood drip all over my arm. So she had to go to the other arm where I could *feel* her changing the vials each time. By the time she was done I was near to passing out. I was lightheaded and clammy. I had to sit there for a full 5 minutes to get myself back together again.

Making the ravioli was a lot more fun -although a lot of work! I will blog on the CWP about that, I think people will appreciate the recipes I made up as I went along the way. I will tell you mom and I made about 200. They are delicious. We still had a little bit of energy to go buy a "white elephant" gift for a Christmas Eve party.

All in all it was a good day off, very productive and I love productive days!

The Reunion

The reunion for which I was in angst over for months has now come and gone.
Now I must say that I did not have PMS. If I had the results may have been entirely different. Only 9 people from our class of 60something showed up. The people I most wanted to see weren't there but then neither were the people I least wanted to see. I wasn't the only "still single" there either, which was surprising and also encouraging. I was truly amazed at how people "haven't changed" and yet you know they have because all those pretenses and cliques that ruled high school life had sort of slipped away. I guess the true test would be how it would feel and what would be said -if anything- if the people we/I least wanted to see came.
That's when you find out who's changed for the better and who is still the same for real.

Overall, it was fine. I was glad Carrie went. Not sure I could have done it on my own even without PMS!

The Nerve of Flies and Monkeys

You got have nerve. Some have too much. Take for instance the plague of flies we had in the office yesterday. They had the nerve to invade my oatmeal! There must have be 20 or more flying around. It seemed like every time you killed one 2 more appeared.

As I am not a true Presbyterian -though I work for them - I took matters into my own hands rather than waiting for Session to approve the measure ;-) I went to the hardware store and bought fly tape and a fly swatter. The swatter worked well; we passed it back and forth. The fly tape hasn't caught a single fly! Today, it seems we are down to only 3 flies, I can handle that many. But let me tell you yesterday I was unnerved. I don't like things buzzing in my ears and I think flies are detestable creatures. I would not have survived the 10 plagues in Egypt!

The nerve of the flies unnerved me. My nerves were already a little frayed because of the nerve of a man - stirring the pot again- after months had gone by since the last time he stood me up and gave me neither an explanation nor an apology. But that's not the monkey part...

We have these monkeys disguised as men climbing all over the steel erector set they are building that will someday house Sunday school classrooms and a new church office. They make me a nervous wreck watching them climb all over these steel beams. I am praying the whole time I am watching them wondering also if they are truly part monkey. Add to the visual image the fact that it is cold and they are wearing thick gloves and they aren't small men, but they are maneuvering themselves like a monkey gymnasts!

So you got have nerve to climb on steel beams without so much a strip of fly tape keep you from falling... but this girl doesn't have that kind of nerve!
But I do have the nerve to say "no" to getting caught again in a trap that has yielded me more hurt and frustration than fun or joy.

Egg Shells and such

I am moved by by Sara Grove's song "Like A Skin." BUY CD

The butterfly can just look back
Flap those wings and say Oh, yeah
I never have to be a worm again

The process of wiggling or pecking out a shell can be slow and exhausting. The struggle to get out of the shell can all but kill you too. But those that succeed are all the stronger because of the struggle. And like the song goes you "never have to be a worm again" or an egg of any kind.

And yet...

On PBS last night, I saw a baby monitor lizard trying to climb back into its shell to protect itself from a very hungry and much bigger lizard. Interesting to me is that the little lizard thought it would be safe in there. Maybe it didn't know the big lizard eats eggs too. Perhaps he wouldn't see the the lizard zeroing in on his egg shell and that would be comfort enough. Then, it would be over before he even knew it.

To hide when in danger is such a natural reaction, but surviving danger and learning from it that is what adds the richness and wisdom to our life. That is what enables us to face bigger and craftier lizards in the future. Like struggling to get out the shell it can at times be equally hard to not squirm back to the shell. It can be hard not to want to be a worm again.

So I am wiggling, trying to free my wings to fly with freedom and hoping I won't long for the silence and supposed safety of being a worm or someone bound inside of an egg.

Ignorance is Bliss

"Ignorance is Bliss" so the saying goes. Whoever said it was right. There are some things that will eventually come to light anyhow that we are better off not knowing right now. Tonight I learned something and now knowing "it" just irks me. I felt better not knowing because now I am full of wondering what it means. Does what I know mean what I think? Does what I know have a logical explanation that wouldn't make me upset. I feel upset now I wish I didn't know...

Also, today I was reminded of something I did that I want to forget. An image tortured me as I was driving over the bridge gripping the steering wheel as if my grip would somehow prevent the image from playing out any further. Would that the grip would ground out the image from my memory.

There is a difference between facing things that need to be dealt with and waiting for things to develop rather than poking around looking for stuff to worry about. I wish I hadn't poked around for information that will eventually reveal itself. I wished I had faced the haunting memory head on instead of cringing it away.

Ignorance is bliss so choose what you want to know carefully.

What is Glorious Today?

Random as they are this what I find glorious today.

Tomorrow it will be 12 years that my brother Louis has been in the presence of Jesus.
That is glorious. What is sad to me is that I can't remember what his laugh sounded like. I keep hoping I'll hear someone laugh and it will jog my memory that would be glorious! For now I guess I will be content to wait.

I keep listening to this song "Speak O Lord" by Keith Getty
(http://www.gettydirect.com/lyrics.asp?id=94

"Words of power that can never fail
Let their truth prevail over unbelief"

And I find myself melting over the truth that has prevailed despite my unbelief. Truth that is full of power and relentless even in my desire to stay in muck and mire. Truth that is so true I can't give into the whim to be agnostic at times because God doesn't want to play by my rules.

What is glorious about this song and the rest on the CD is that the songs have the power, authority and gospel truth of the old hymns but they don't sound like funeral dirges and you don't feel like you need a respiratory therapist when you get done singing! I gloriously belt out the songs in the car.

Today, the pastor and I had a brief moment with Habbakuk, he read from chapter 3:
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

This passage raises up so many thoughts and memories... It is glorious to have this truth to hold on to -even if it is difficult to hold on to. It is a preventative or alternative to choosing agnostism!

All Eyes on the Amish

I have always respected the Amish and the their way of life. But have wondered how a community that is often so closed to outsiders could every be a good witness for the gospel.

Yet, now all over the world all eyes are on the Amish. And they are certainly getting their chance to share the gospel to the world. As we Watch them live and forgive in the face of terrible tragedy just as Jesus would want them too.

It's amazing to me sometimes how I can miss the obvious. I have thought in the last few days: "Isn't great the world gets to learn about real forgiveness to see it lived out." I have been so focused on the "world" and yet at the same time the last few weeks I have been dealing with my own unforgiveness issues.

It just occurred to me like a ton of bricks, that I too can learn from the Amish what it means to forgive like the gospel teaches.

It is no concidence what goes on in the world. God uses it all to teach, encourage, rebuke whatever he needs to do in our lives. So I guess I need to learn to forgive like an Amish mother.

Innocence Lost is Never Pretty

“Perhaps straight, attractive, single women with an unfulfilled desire for marriage are an awkward reminder that all is not right with the world.” Connally Gilliam

Since I read this line in an article today, I have been amply reminded that all is not right with the world. And it makes me angry. There is nothing more sickening to me than to see innocence lost.

In the news today, at least three young Amish girls were shot execution style in their classroom. They have gone on to their eternal reward, but what of the rest of the girls, what of their brothers who could do nothing to protect their sisters and friends? A culture that believes in peace and is void of most any kind of violence has been thrust into a world we all see each night on the news but it hardly ever touches us. If anything our own hearts are so hardened to the evil in the world; we are not moved. Now our local Amish community is more than moved…Its innocence is ravaged.

As if that wasn’t enough, I watched a movie tonight called Water its about a Hindu Indian girl that becomes a widow at age 8. (Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of children getting married.) She is forced to live a life of poverty with other widows. She is cannot live with her family and she can never remarry. The pretty ones get prostituted out to help support the older ones. The movie takes place in the 1930s but the closing credits said as of the 2001 census there are as many as 34 million widows in India that are still treated with such abject disgust and under these absurd requirements, where as the Bible says to take care of the widows this Hindu culture does not.

I feel as though everyday I question God’s plan for my life. It’s like losing my innocence all over again. As if the knowledge that my anticipated baby brother wouldn’t ever come home was not enough. As if the realization that not all family members can be trusted was not enough. As if one man’s manipulation of my good judgment, so carefully instilled by others and cultivated by myself, was not enough. No, each day I have to harbor bitterness over innocence lost and lose just a little bit more of what’s left.

So I stood in the shower and wept. I wept for the Amish community scarred for life by a heinous act. I wept for the Hindu widows whose religion keeps them in bondage. I wept for myself because I think too much about what I don’t have and not enough about those who have far less.
And yet at end of the day, I will crawl into bed fully knowing that I am not an Amish mother who just lost her daughter, nor am I a Hindu widow who was too young to even remember her husband and now is old enough to want one and can never have one. I’ll lie in bed and think on the fact that I am “straight, attractive, single woman with an unfulfilled desire for marriage.” I am my own awkward reminder that all is not right with the world – especially my own.

I feel sort of helpless to the fact innocence is falling to pieces all around me -a sure outcome of a world that is not right. And the one thing I can do, which is protect what little innocence and childlike faith I have left from embittered-ness is such a tall task in my eyes. It almost seems easier to go to India and free the widows.

Tinkering with Photos

Tinkering with Photos...

Liz Laughing

Pray that this will be me laughing at the "demons" I run across my high school reunion ;-)

Due Today

Today the questionnaire for the upcoming multi-class high school reunion is due.

For the last 3 months the knowledge of this has weighed heavy on me. Its one of the reasons why when I cleaned my room last week the only thing I didn't touch was my desk top. I knew I would have to face that dreaded questionnaire that wants to know the name and occupation of my husband and the names and ages of my children. All these questions would remain blank and I just didn't like the idea of rubbing salt into my wounded heart that longs to have answers to those questions. But alas and a-lack I don't have any husband or children and no real hope -at least today- of ever having them.

One of the other questions was "What is your favorite memory of high school?" That one I can answer: GRADUATION DAY! That should be a major clue in my history of high school. It was at time torturous; as I fear the actual reunion will be. But I made a promise to God that when I had a class reunion to go to I would go and face some demons. I won't mention any names... at least not here.

I carried the questionnaire to and from work for a week and half and then finally spilled my lunch on it yesterday. After I made new copies and considered that tomorrow is the due date and I have PMS the thought occurred to me do I really need to send it in? I can still go to the reunion as I promised the Lord many years ago. Suddenly, it was decided. I am not sending the dang questionnaire in! It will be challenging enough actually going to the reunion but I am free at last of this unnecessary burden!

Merging Matches?

So I was standing on a street in Chinatown (Philadelphia) with my match.com date. (Date #2 how's that for progress.) That's when I saw a familiar face walking up the street. Not only had I seen him before in person (and know his mother) but I had seem him on match.com too. I saw him walking with a woman and I wondered to myself "Is he on a match.com date too?"

I went ahead and assumed he was and then I had this surreal moment as 2 match.com dates converged on the same street and passed by each other. How often does this occur on the streets of Philadelphia or any street where match.com reaches and you actually know it is happening? The fact that you can even come across a random familiar face in a large city is a wonder to me. It was a surreal moment and you have to admit that it is the surreal things in life that seem to be where wonder abounds... or at least wondering abounds.

Space Junk Watchers

So apperantly my room isn't the only place cluttered with stuff.

According to cnn.com, NASA says we have a junkyard of things floating around the atmosphere that occasionally fall to the earth in a firey ball and ding someone's car.

"Last July, spacewalker Piers Sellers sheepishly reported that he lost a spatula. Nicknamed "spatsat" by space junk watchers, it returns to Earth in a fireball early next month."

Now what flipping amazed me is not that there is a flying pancake flipper floating around space but that there exists such a people group called "space junk watchers"!! Who are these people? Did they O.D. on Star Trek as children? Do they wear pocket protectors? or carry Palm Pilots? Do they have greasy hair and shower infrequently? Do they get paid for watching space junk or is it just a hobby? Inquiring minds want to know!

"NASA and the Air Force track objects bigger than about 4 inches. The official "box score" of that space debris as of Thursday was 9,925. But the 90,000 objects smaller than that can be as dangerous, zipping around Earth at more than 15,000 mph. They are just harder to track."

These space junk watchers should receive our utmost respect, "as of Thursday" they at least knew where all 9,925 items 4 inch + items were... As of Thursday in my world I can't tell you were my old camera is or when I will be able deal with 145 emails in my inbox or if I will ever clear my desks (home & work) of debris.

Maybe the solution to my debris problem is to launch the junk into outer space for the space junk watchers to concern themselves with it. Perhaps I should check in with them -- maybe they have seen my camera!?

Ahh well its a wonder-full world out there and it takes people of all kinds with varying interests to keep it wonderul.


for more about space junk check out the link below from which I quoted.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/space/09/14/space.junk.ap/index.html

Clearing the Causeway

I have just watched the movie "The Secret of Roan Inish" so I am thinking with an Irish accent. It might help if you try to read this with one too. The Irish are ones for signs. Things don't happen merely by coincidence. There is always a Greater force at work. So with that in mind I also I'll tell you of my drive to Chincoteague, Virginia during hurricane Ernesto.

I left at 2pm later than planned by nearly 2 hours. The first hour was a breeze. As I was just leaving Dover, Delaware the half-way point my friend Carrie called to say the road to Chincoteague was flooded out by the storm and high tide. It may be a few hours before its clear. I was glad I had left late. It was up to me to turn around and face Labor Day/Rush hour traffic or risk having to get a hotel near to Chincoteague if the road remained closed over night. My gut said, "keep going" and so I did. I am trying to learn to trust my gut.

I held on tightly to the steering wheel for the wind and rain were driving hard. Above any other foods I was craving a grilled Reuben and since I might have time to kill I decided to go with my gut on this as well. Rather than stop at a fast food place I choose Friendlys. I sat by myself and it was ok. The wind was really whipping the rain around by the time I finished eating, but I pressed on. When I turned on to the road that leads to Chincoteague the storm had begun to subside and so did the traffic. It seemed to be at a standstill but sometimes I would move forward. I eventually figured out that cars were turning around or pulling into the corner stores and pizza shop. I saw RVs sitting in the parking lots and kids riding their bikes in the light rain. I finally decided to to turn off my engine -as did many others.

So what was the hold up? The road was closed. I knew it might be and knowing that was a comfort to me. After about an hour, Carrie called again to check on me and to let me know her husband had called the police and they said the road was being cleared of debris and I found out from a lady walking by with a pizza that it would be 2 hours more. 2 more hours I can handle that all right. The problem has been identified and the blockage is being removed. "Ahh," I says to God, "you are trying to show me something aren't you now?" God and I spent a nice bit of quiet time watching people walk to the store in the rain while I journaled what he wanted me glean from this here spiritual/object lesson.

I am blocked from more than just Chincoteague Island. Something has been standing in my way for years, keeping me just minutes or a few miles from what I want. But I have identified the blockage. Knowing what it is a comfort as well. I know the road is being cleared. I know that! In just a little while now I will be well on my way down a road cleared of debris. And I am excited to see what will happen once the blockage is completely removed.

Just as I was starting to really need a bathroom, I noticed a murmur on the streets. Lights were turning on and cars were stirring. I sprung into action as well -a half hour earlier than expected, an unexpected blessing... especially to my bladder. I arrived moments later (after 10 pm) to a house relieved to see me at long last (4 hours late). I might add they had no electricity either.

I fell into bed, kind of amazed at how God spoke to me through the blocked Causeway to Chincoteague Island and how this relates to the emotional blockages that have kept closed a certain path that He is now helping me to clear.

So I wait for the lights to go ... for that's how I'll know the Causeway has been cleared and will be able to reach what has been just out of reach.