Kill the compulsion God to be always on the prowl. Always looking. Always compiling a list of possibilities. Always thinking too much of someone who doesn’t think of me. Always, always, always, always disappointed and exhausted emotionally from all the work of looking and waiting. And it would be so easy for You to end it all. To send the one I am waiting for, searching for seemingly cannot live without or the compulsion to find him wouldn’t be so persistent.
We are living among emotional landmines and all the time being blown to pieces. Thrown all over the world of hurt and then we get ourselves a little bit back together and go back for more. Hoping maybe next time we'll make it through without getting killed again. That maybe next time you will answer our prayers. That you will bring us to him or him to us before it’s too late. Too late to have kids. Before we have no strength left and are overrun with bitterness and resignation. Before we decide to become an agnostic after all.
Kill the compulsion God because it is killing me.
1 comment:
I wish I could reach right through my computers screen and give you a hug.
I hope 2007 is kind to you!
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