"Ignorance is Bliss" so the saying goes. Whoever said it was right. There are some things that will eventually come to light anyhow that we are better off not knowing right now. Tonight I learned something and now knowing "it" just irks me. I felt better not knowing because now I am full of wondering what it means. Does what I know mean what I think? Does what I know have a logical explanation that wouldn't make me upset. I feel upset now I wish I didn't know...
Also, today I was reminded of something I did that I want to forget. An image tortured me as I was driving over the bridge gripping the steering wheel as if my grip would somehow prevent the image from playing out any further. Would that the grip would ground out the image from my memory.
There is a difference between facing things that need to be dealt with and waiting for things to develop rather than poking around looking for stuff to worry about. I wish I hadn't poked around for information that will eventually reveal itself. I wished I had faced the haunting memory head on instead of cringing it away.
Ignorance is bliss so choose what you want to know carefully.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
What is Glorious Today?
Random as they are this what I find glorious today.
Tomorrow it will be 12 years that my brother Louis has been in the presence of Jesus.
That is glorious. What is sad to me is that I can't remember what his laugh sounded like. I keep hoping I'll hear someone laugh and it will jog my memory that would be glorious! For now I guess I will be content to wait.
I keep listening to this song "Speak O Lord" by Keith Getty
(http://www.gettydirect.com/lyrics.asp?id=94
"Words of power that can never fail
Let their truth prevail over unbelief"
And I find myself melting over the truth that has prevailed despite my unbelief. Truth that is full of power and relentless even in my desire to stay in muck and mire. Truth that is so true I can't give into the whim to be agnostic at times because God doesn't want to play by my rules.
What is glorious about this song and the rest on the CD is that the songs have the power, authority and gospel truth of the old hymns but they don't sound like funeral dirges and you don't feel like you need a respiratory therapist when you get done singing! I gloriously belt out the songs in the car.
Today, the pastor and I had a brief moment with Habbakuk, he read from chapter 3:
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
This passage raises up so many thoughts and memories... It is glorious to have this truth to hold on to -even if it is difficult to hold on to. It is a preventative or alternative to choosing agnostism!
Tomorrow it will be 12 years that my brother Louis has been in the presence of Jesus.
That is glorious. What is sad to me is that I can't remember what his laugh sounded like. I keep hoping I'll hear someone laugh and it will jog my memory that would be glorious! For now I guess I will be content to wait.
I keep listening to this song "Speak O Lord" by Keith Getty
(http://www.gettydirect.com/lyrics.asp?id=94
"Words of power that can never fail
Let their truth prevail over unbelief"
And I find myself melting over the truth that has prevailed despite my unbelief. Truth that is full of power and relentless even in my desire to stay in muck and mire. Truth that is so true I can't give into the whim to be agnostic at times because God doesn't want to play by my rules.
What is glorious about this song and the rest on the CD is that the songs have the power, authority and gospel truth of the old hymns but they don't sound like funeral dirges and you don't feel like you need a respiratory therapist when you get done singing! I gloriously belt out the songs in the car.
Today, the pastor and I had a brief moment with Habbakuk, he read from chapter 3:
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
This passage raises up so many thoughts and memories... It is glorious to have this truth to hold on to -even if it is difficult to hold on to. It is a preventative or alternative to choosing agnostism!
Friday, October 06, 2006
All Eyes on the Amish
I have always respected the Amish and the their way of life. But have wondered how a community that is often so closed to outsiders could every be a good witness for the gospel.
Yet, now all over the world all eyes are on the Amish. And they are certainly getting their chance to share the gospel to the world. As we Watch them live and forgive in the face of terrible tragedy just as Jesus would want them too.
It's amazing to me sometimes how I can miss the obvious. I have thought in the last few days: "Isn't great the world gets to learn about real forgiveness to see it lived out." I have been so focused on the "world" and yet at the same time the last few weeks I have been dealing with my own unforgiveness issues.
It just occurred to me like a ton of bricks, that I too can learn from the Amish what it means to forgive like the gospel teaches.
It is no concidence what goes on in the world. God uses it all to teach, encourage, rebuke whatever he needs to do in our lives. So I guess I need to learn to forgive like an Amish mother.
Yet, now all over the world all eyes are on the Amish. And they are certainly getting their chance to share the gospel to the world. As we Watch them live and forgive in the face of terrible tragedy just as Jesus would want them too.
It's amazing to me sometimes how I can miss the obvious. I have thought in the last few days: "Isn't great the world gets to learn about real forgiveness to see it lived out." I have been so focused on the "world" and yet at the same time the last few weeks I have been dealing with my own unforgiveness issues.
It just occurred to me like a ton of bricks, that I too can learn from the Amish what it means to forgive like the gospel teaches.
It is no concidence what goes on in the world. God uses it all to teach, encourage, rebuke whatever he needs to do in our lives. So I guess I need to learn to forgive like an Amish mother.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Innocence Lost is Never Pretty
“Perhaps straight, attractive, single women with an unfulfilled desire for marriage are an awkward reminder that all is not right with the world.” Connally Gilliam
Since I read this line in an article today, I have been amply reminded that all is not right with the world. And it makes me angry. There is nothing more sickening to me than to see innocence lost.
In the news today, at least three young Amish girls were shot execution style in their classroom. They have gone on to their eternal reward, but what of the rest of the girls, what of their brothers who could do nothing to protect their sisters and friends? A culture that believes in peace and is void of most any kind of violence has been thrust into a world we all see each night on the news but it hardly ever touches us. If anything our own hearts are so hardened to the evil in the world; we are not moved. Now our local Amish community is more than moved…Its innocence is ravaged.
As if that wasn’t enough, I watched a movie tonight called Water its about a Hindu Indian girl that becomes a widow at age 8. (Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of children getting married.) She is forced to live a life of poverty with other widows. She is cannot live with her family and she can never remarry. The pretty ones get prostituted out to help support the older ones. The movie takes place in the 1930s but the closing credits said as of the 2001 census there are as many as 34 million widows in India that are still treated with such abject disgust and under these absurd requirements, where as the Bible says to take care of the widows this Hindu culture does not.
I feel as though everyday I question God’s plan for my life. It’s like losing my innocence all over again. As if the knowledge that my anticipated baby brother wouldn’t ever come home was not enough. As if the realization that not all family members can be trusted was not enough. As if one man’s manipulation of my good judgment, so carefully instilled by others and cultivated by myself, was not enough. No, each day I have to harbor bitterness over innocence lost and lose just a little bit more of what’s left.
So I stood in the shower and wept. I wept for the Amish community scarred for life by a heinous act. I wept for the Hindu widows whose religion keeps them in bondage. I wept for myself because I think too much about what I don’t have and not enough about those who have far less.
And yet at end of the day, I will crawl into bed fully knowing that I am not an Amish mother who just lost her daughter, nor am I a Hindu widow who was too young to even remember her husband and now is old enough to want one and can never have one. I’ll lie in bed and think on the fact that I am “straight, attractive, single woman with an unfulfilled desire for marriage.” I am my own awkward reminder that all is not right with the world – especially my own.
I feel sort of helpless to the fact innocence is falling to pieces all around me -a sure outcome of a world that is not right. And the one thing I can do, which is protect what little innocence and childlike faith I have left from embittered-ness is such a tall task in my eyes. It almost seems easier to go to India and free the widows.
Since I read this line in an article today, I have been amply reminded that all is not right with the world. And it makes me angry. There is nothing more sickening to me than to see innocence lost.
In the news today, at least three young Amish girls were shot execution style in their classroom. They have gone on to their eternal reward, but what of the rest of the girls, what of their brothers who could do nothing to protect their sisters and friends? A culture that believes in peace and is void of most any kind of violence has been thrust into a world we all see each night on the news but it hardly ever touches us. If anything our own hearts are so hardened to the evil in the world; we are not moved. Now our local Amish community is more than moved…Its innocence is ravaged.
As if that wasn’t enough, I watched a movie tonight called Water its about a Hindu Indian girl that becomes a widow at age 8. (Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of children getting married.) She is forced to live a life of poverty with other widows. She is cannot live with her family and she can never remarry. The pretty ones get prostituted out to help support the older ones. The movie takes place in the 1930s but the closing credits said as of the 2001 census there are as many as 34 million widows in India that are still treated with such abject disgust and under these absurd requirements, where as the Bible says to take care of the widows this Hindu culture does not.
I feel as though everyday I question God’s plan for my life. It’s like losing my innocence all over again. As if the knowledge that my anticipated baby brother wouldn’t ever come home was not enough. As if the realization that not all family members can be trusted was not enough. As if one man’s manipulation of my good judgment, so carefully instilled by others and cultivated by myself, was not enough. No, each day I have to harbor bitterness over innocence lost and lose just a little bit more of what’s left.
So I stood in the shower and wept. I wept for the Amish community scarred for life by a heinous act. I wept for the Hindu widows whose religion keeps them in bondage. I wept for myself because I think too much about what I don’t have and not enough about those who have far less.
And yet at end of the day, I will crawl into bed fully knowing that I am not an Amish mother who just lost her daughter, nor am I a Hindu widow who was too young to even remember her husband and now is old enough to want one and can never have one. I’ll lie in bed and think on the fact that I am “straight, attractive, single woman with an unfulfilled desire for marriage.” I am my own awkward reminder that all is not right with the world – especially my own.
I feel sort of helpless to the fact innocence is falling to pieces all around me -a sure outcome of a world that is not right. And the one thing I can do, which is protect what little innocence and childlike faith I have left from embittered-ness is such a tall task in my eyes. It almost seems easier to go to India and free the widows.
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