Who know you would need the God of angel armies to help parent a 3 year old?! But I do, too much is at stake to do this alone. I need the back up because the "enemy" is so dear and needs a tender and wise hand to lead him on the right path. I sure don't want to fight this battle on my own. I need the God of angel armies by my side to help me crush his sin nature (and mine as well) as I try to lead him on the path to Jesus. Or "Baby Jee" as he calls him. The truly comforting thing is this God of angel armies loves my little "enemy" too and is always by our side.
Sunday, April 07, 2013
God of Angel Armies
The song we sang was about the God of angel armies. Wow! did that really resonate with me because sometimes I really feel like I am battling an enemy. A little enemy who is disobedient and stubborn and funny and beautiful and the love of my life. He is a little sinner who whose path in life I am pretty responsible for.
Return from Exile
I haven't attended a Bible Study since shortly after Walter was born. It just hasn't worked out that I have been able to go to any. I have missed it. For most of my adult life, I have gone to some kind of Bible study and always found that digging a little deeper and being challenged by what the Bible has to say to be really good for me.
I guess I have been in a form of exile by not being able to go to a Bible study. Sometimes you don't realize how much you need something until you wake up for the umpteenth time and wonder,"why do I feel so spiritual dry?" "Why does the Bible seem so dull to me?" "Why is God so quiet?" So the path cleared for me to attend a Bible study again that includes free childcare! I really feel like my exile has ended.
Why do I say that?
For one, I realized I was in exile. I guess you don't always know it when you are there.
For two, I have actually been reading the Bible with the express reason of answering a question and therefore reading with some purpose.
For three, while reading and preparing for a lesson. I really felt like God spoke to me and challenged me. I even sat and mulled over what I had a read and what it acutally meant for me - for several minutes. I even underlined something. I haven't done that in a long time.
What God was hoping to communicate to me wasn't nessecarily what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear. It was really helpful as well as challenging. If I can really take ahold of what was communicated to me, those times of exile that just have to happen might be more managable if I look at the big picture.
For now I am going to enjoy the time of fellowship and learning and hope this refreshing will keep my dry soul hydrated for awhile.
I guess I have been in a form of exile by not being able to go to a Bible study. Sometimes you don't realize how much you need something until you wake up for the umpteenth time and wonder,"why do I feel so spiritual dry?" "Why does the Bible seem so dull to me?" "Why is God so quiet?" So the path cleared for me to attend a Bible study again that includes free childcare! I really feel like my exile has ended.
Why do I say that?
For one, I realized I was in exile. I guess you don't always know it when you are there.
For two, I have actually been reading the Bible with the express reason of answering a question and therefore reading with some purpose.
For three, while reading and preparing for a lesson. I really felt like God spoke to me and challenged me. I even sat and mulled over what I had a read and what it acutally meant for me - for several minutes. I even underlined something. I haven't done that in a long time.
What God was hoping to communicate to me wasn't nessecarily what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear. It was really helpful as well as challenging. If I can really take ahold of what was communicated to me, those times of exile that just have to happen might be more managable if I look at the big picture.
For now I am going to enjoy the time of fellowship and learning and hope this refreshing will keep my dry soul hydrated for awhile.
Seamless
Don't you love those seamless zippers? They just seem to disappear and do their job.
I have been thinking about the word seamless lately, as it relates to zippers but mostly to everyday child-rearing.
You see once upon a time before I had children I imagined myself seamlessly going from one thing to another with grace and ease. As if effortlessly gliding along, dishing out applesauce, changing a diaper, washing dishes, teaching Bible stories with a song in my heart and making a call to some utility company whilst my children played quietly and looked at books on weather patterns. (Whilst and Seamless are 2 words that should go together. Right?!) You know like Mary Poppins.
Maybe working with school aged kids I got the wrong idea. Sure things moved fast, you had to keep going at their speed or they would walk all over you and leave you in the chalk dust. However, most of them were potty trained, not peeing on your rug or waking you up in the middle of the night for milk or refusing to eat fruit. The reality is teaching didn't really prepare me for how unseamless mothering would be for me. Others may have it down, I haven't gotten it yet. This is still surprising me because I thought for sure I could do it seamlessly.
The reality is I am putting out fires all day long and barely catching a breath before the next tantrum, feeding, burned something because we are running to the potty catastrophe. Anything but seamless. Its gaping, tiring, inconsistent, convicting... My baby is eating crumbs off the floor faster than I can sweep the floor but that's partly because I keep running the boy to the bathroom every time the timer goes off. Actually, kicking and screaming would more aptly describe what's happening. Instead of it being seamless its a continuous series of stitches going in all directions sometimes at the same time. Its all very obvious and all over the floor - the kitchen floor.
At the end of the day, where I feel like I have yelled more than loved on I want to be reminded that no one else does motherhood seamlessly either. Everyone else is tired with tousled hair, peanut butter still lingering on their kid's face and probably a little bit of pee on their shirt from helping their kid put on his pants after using the toilet - but not yet washed his hands.
Maybe someday I will recover from the shock that I can't do this seamlessly. Meanwhile I stumble through trying to figure out how to get everyone fed when they are all clamoring for something to eat. Or trying to convince them how nice a nap would be - for mom. Or how to change a 7 month old "ocotpus" who thinks she can fly off the changing table.
Hopefully stumbling and bumbling and unseamlessly going along won't screw them up too much. After all, they are just kids they need to see the zipper to learn how to zip it up right?
I have been thinking about the word seamless lately, as it relates to zippers but mostly to everyday child-rearing.
You see once upon a time before I had children I imagined myself seamlessly going from one thing to another with grace and ease. As if effortlessly gliding along, dishing out applesauce, changing a diaper, washing dishes, teaching Bible stories with a song in my heart and making a call to some utility company whilst my children played quietly and looked at books on weather patterns. (Whilst and Seamless are 2 words that should go together. Right?!) You know like Mary Poppins.
Maybe working with school aged kids I got the wrong idea. Sure things moved fast, you had to keep going at their speed or they would walk all over you and leave you in the chalk dust. However, most of them were potty trained, not peeing on your rug or waking you up in the middle of the night for milk or refusing to eat fruit. The reality is teaching didn't really prepare me for how unseamless mothering would be for me. Others may have it down, I haven't gotten it yet. This is still surprising me because I thought for sure I could do it seamlessly.
The reality is I am putting out fires all day long and barely catching a breath before the next tantrum, feeding, burned something because we are running to the potty catastrophe. Anything but seamless. Its gaping, tiring, inconsistent, convicting... My baby is eating crumbs off the floor faster than I can sweep the floor but that's partly because I keep running the boy to the bathroom every time the timer goes off. Actually, kicking and screaming would more aptly describe what's happening. Instead of it being seamless its a continuous series of stitches going in all directions sometimes at the same time. Its all very obvious and all over the floor - the kitchen floor.
At the end of the day, where I feel like I have yelled more than loved on I want to be reminded that no one else does motherhood seamlessly either. Everyone else is tired with tousled hair, peanut butter still lingering on their kid's face and probably a little bit of pee on their shirt from helping their kid put on his pants after using the toilet - but not yet washed his hands.
Maybe someday I will recover from the shock that I can't do this seamlessly. Meanwhile I stumble through trying to figure out how to get everyone fed when they are all clamoring for something to eat. Or trying to convince them how nice a nap would be - for mom. Or how to change a 7 month old "ocotpus" who thinks she can fly off the changing table.
Hopefully stumbling and bumbling and unseamlessly going along won't screw them up too much. After all, they are just kids they need to see the zipper to learn how to zip it up right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)