So I think I either need to find a different routine or just resign myself to the idea that we are just one of those families who eats dinner late and don't go to bed at a decent hour.
It is driving me crazy that the clock says 6pm and I still haven't started dinner. I am trying to cram finishing up my new part-time work, dealing with a boy who doesn't wake up happy (usually) from naps, baby needs to nurse, baby needs solids, I keep hearing "play with me", dinner is defrosting, kids need baths or want to go outside, I am hungry and resorting to cookies or oatmeal. I just feel like from 5-8:10pm the house spins into utter chaos. Wet pants lead to quick bathes, which leads to crying baby not interested in Cheerios or being contained so she won't get into the toilet, dinner is burning and there is the constant struggle to get the kitchen table cleaned off and not trip on a toys strewn all over the floor.
I am not exactly sure how to change things. Maybe I just need to accept that this is our routine and change how I feel in the midst of this routine. I feel flustered, frustrated and -well- hungry. What I want is for someone to take the kids outside and give me 20 minutes to get dinner done and assembled while still hot but before being singed.
I feel like this is the toughest time of day. When I want to yell, "send reinforcements because I am failing." I need back up. I need 6 hands and another set of eyes.
Update: Since I drafted this a week or so ago, I have actually been working on not accepting this as our routine. It is a matter of discipline and I guess I just decided that dinner is at 6pm which means I need to start cooking beforehand. Which means other things need to be set aside to make dinner start happening. It is mostly working. It is helping my frenzied head and hungry belly. I hope I can keep it up.
Friday, July 05, 2013
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
Why I Need the Electronic Babysitter
So in my feeble attempts to control my boy, I decided that he couldn't "watch a show" unless he tried some new food. This was about as successful as digging a hole in the tundra with a plastic spoon. The only person more stubborn that me is him. Seriously, that little honey badger has me beat though. He doesn't care about shows. He just played or followed me around like a little shadow. He just didn't care. He had no interest in trying something new and no interest in trying again something he formally liked.
About 10 days into this experiment I felt like the Lord said, "Give it 40 days" - seemed appropriate since I know He has a thing for 40 days. So 40 days with time served so I only had to go another 28-30 days. In all that time, the only thing he tried was popcorn and grilled cheese. Not exactly what I was hoping for but I took it because I need the break. Frankly, I missed The Wonder Pets!
It was a test in my ability to stick to my word and be consistent. It also was an exercise in futility because I can't control what he puts in his mouth anymore than I can make him say, "I have to use the toilet" but that's a story for another day. So maybe I get points for consistency, but I was still disappointed when some kind of breakthrough didn't happen.
The biggest result of this exercise was the uprising of my mean-spiritedness. There was just no peace and quiet. There was no break. There was just no "Wonder Pets on the way." I was worn down. I have to have the electronic babysitter once in a while - if not everyday- because by bedtime I felt mean and snarly and angry.
I'll admit I feel mean and snarly by bedtime most days but I have definitely been more acutely aware of it while going without kids shows. So for me and my house to help keep my mean-spiritedness at bay we have to have a couple shows during the day because I need the break to help keep me sane, and get food on the table - even if it is just another PB&J.
One thing is for sure, I do not want my mean-spiritedness to get the better of me or get the urge to "pinch" my children because I can't control them. They are after all sinners like me with similar tendencies to try and overcome.
Believe me when I say I was so happy to reach day 40 and will never pull anything like that again!
About 10 days into this experiment I felt like the Lord said, "Give it 40 days" - seemed appropriate since I know He has a thing for 40 days. So 40 days with time served so I only had to go another 28-30 days. In all that time, the only thing he tried was popcorn and grilled cheese. Not exactly what I was hoping for but I took it because I need the break. Frankly, I missed The Wonder Pets!
It was a test in my ability to stick to my word and be consistent. It also was an exercise in futility because I can't control what he puts in his mouth anymore than I can make him say, "I have to use the toilet" but that's a story for another day. So maybe I get points for consistency, but I was still disappointed when some kind of breakthrough didn't happen.
The biggest result of this exercise was the uprising of my mean-spiritedness. There was just no peace and quiet. There was no break. There was just no "Wonder Pets on the way." I was worn down. I have to have the electronic babysitter once in a while - if not everyday- because by bedtime I felt mean and snarly and angry.
I'll admit I feel mean and snarly by bedtime most days but I have definitely been more acutely aware of it while going without kids shows. So for me and my house to help keep my mean-spiritedness at bay we have to have a couple shows during the day because I need the break to help keep me sane, and get food on the table - even if it is just another PB&J.
One thing is for sure, I do not want my mean-spiritedness to get the better of me or get the urge to "pinch" my children because I can't control them. They are after all sinners like me with similar tendencies to try and overcome.
Believe me when I say I was so happy to reach day 40 and will never pull anything like that again!
Monday, July 01, 2013
Mean-Spirited
There was this boy who lived on my street who ate green peppers like they were apples. I always thought that was weird and I kind of held that against him. He had a sister a little younger that me. One day a bunch of kids from the neighborhood were playing and for whatever reason, I pinched Green Pepper Boy's sister on the arm really hard. I probably couldn't get her to play what I wanted to play or do what I wanted her to do. Those details I don't recall but I remember the mean-spirit rising up out of me and flowing through my fingertips like a wave I had little control over. Pinching harder didn't change her stance.
I often think about that event and am astounded by just how much meanness there is inside me.
There was another time when I was much younger -probably 4 or 5- and I hit my best friend on the head with the Fisher Price house boat. It was done in the same mean spirited way probably because she wouldn't do what I wanted. Fortunately, she forgave me and as a joke bought my son a new and improved Fisher Price houseboat for his first Christmas. This one is of lighter construction. Green Pepper Boy and his sister didn't live on our street very long so I can't say what happened as far as forgiveness goes. I do know that the 2 sisters who were there with us that day never really liked me or played with me after that day.
The thing that irked me - that led to the pinch and as I recall increased pinch intensity was "sister's" unwillingness to back down. My pinch didn't change her. My pinch didn't convince her. It failed. I failed. Thank God too because you can't go through life pinching people to get what you want.
After a particularly hard break up a good friend came to me and said I was being "mean" and I needed to snap out of it and find some new outlet and stop taking out my hurt on other people. I didn't realize I was being mean and in that case it wasn't my intention. I guess because I couldn't get what I wanted meanness flowed.
So it would seem meanness has always been a part of me which is ironic I think because I don't think I come across as mean. I guess its when you get a little closer to the heart you can see it. Or if I can't get you to do what I want you too. It starts to fester and boil over and I feel like pinching someone.
All this resurfaced this spring while attending a Bible study. Bible study actually had me thinking about stuff and we just went 40 days without any electronic babysitter-aka videos for the boy.
The results.... of that brilliant idea to be posted separately.
Green pepper's sister fresh in mind and my still mean-spiritedness reared its ugly head again. Frankly, I got busted again and realized I have to turn over a new leaf. Even if that leaf weighs more than a dentist's lead blanket, I have had no choice but to stop the flow of meanness, for a very important reason - I have an audience always watching.
I often think about that event and am astounded by just how much meanness there is inside me.
There was another time when I was much younger -probably 4 or 5- and I hit my best friend on the head with the Fisher Price house boat. It was done in the same mean spirited way probably because she wouldn't do what I wanted. Fortunately, she forgave me and as a joke bought my son a new and improved Fisher Price houseboat for his first Christmas. This one is of lighter construction. Green Pepper Boy and his sister didn't live on our street very long so I can't say what happened as far as forgiveness goes. I do know that the 2 sisters who were there with us that day never really liked me or played with me after that day.
The thing that irked me - that led to the pinch and as I recall increased pinch intensity was "sister's" unwillingness to back down. My pinch didn't change her. My pinch didn't convince her. It failed. I failed. Thank God too because you can't go through life pinching people to get what you want.
After a particularly hard break up a good friend came to me and said I was being "mean" and I needed to snap out of it and find some new outlet and stop taking out my hurt on other people. I didn't realize I was being mean and in that case it wasn't my intention. I guess because I couldn't get what I wanted meanness flowed.
So it would seem meanness has always been a part of me which is ironic I think because I don't think I come across as mean. I guess its when you get a little closer to the heart you can see it. Or if I can't get you to do what I want you too. It starts to fester and boil over and I feel like pinching someone.
All this resurfaced this spring while attending a Bible study. Bible study actually had me thinking about stuff and we just went 40 days without any electronic babysitter-aka videos for the boy.
The results.... of that brilliant idea to be posted separately.
Green pepper's sister fresh in mind and my still mean-spiritedness reared its ugly head again. Frankly, I got busted again and realized I have to turn over a new leaf. Even if that leaf weighs more than a dentist's lead blanket, I have had no choice but to stop the flow of meanness, for a very important reason - I have an audience always watching.
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