The Thieves

In "Hope and Joy Will Find You," the question posed is: One thief who steals my dreams is named...? I could never really pinpoint a name. But I could tell you what the thief said!
"What's the use?"
"Why you?"
"You are such a fool!"
"That's not for you."

But I finally have name for the thieves who rob me of my dreams and my hope and my joy!
Their names are "Reality" and "Statistics."

Reality says there aren't too many good Christian guys looking for a good woman. And Statistics don't "lie" the chances of getting hit by a bus are increasing... then again so is winning the lottery.

Now the question is am I going to trust Thieves or trust God. I am working on trusting God.

Heck, maybe the bus driver will be single and looking out for me ;-) i digress...

Lost Joy

It is no surprise to me that I at most times lack passion and joy. I can give reasons why I lack these 2 friends of the soul. None of them should stand up against the gospel, but I try.

While dusting I opened a book I haven't cracked open in probably 1o years - The Collected Works of Emily Dickinson- given to me by my old best friend who no longer speaks to me. Maybe that's why I never wanted to open it; it reminded me of her. Anyhow...!
It opened and I saw the title: Lost Joy

I Had a daily bliss

I half indifferent viewed,

Till sudden I perceived it stir,-

It grew as I purused,

Till when, around a crag,

It wasted from my sight,

Enlarged beyond my utmost scope,

I learned its sweetness right.

Ok so maybe I haven't read the book much because I don't get poetry! I got the title though! I got it down real good. I am the story of lost joy or never found joy. And I really don't know how to get it but I have known its missing. They say, "knowing is half the battle" but how do you win the other half? But I am seeking joy, the kind that may falter but is never lost.

Words that Keep on Speaking

Last Friday I guess you could say I experienced a case of "6 degrees of separation." Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit doing what He does best -speaking through people to other people and sometimes to entirely different people even after the words were spoken.

I was leafing through a book my boss helped write. I admit I had never leafed through this book (The Practical Calvinist) before. I came across a name I recognized Andree Seu (a writer for World Magazine and also an employee at Westminster Theological Seminary) and read her anecdotal contribution. Speaking of one of the professors she shared how during a time of open prayer at church she prayed and remembered it being a time of "self-pity and unbelief."
She said, "When prayer time was closed I opened my eyes to see Dr. Davis standing inches from my face. He looked me in the eye and said only, 'Most of the world's work is done by people who don't feel good.'"

I have never met Dr. Davis, but he might as well have been standing right in my face that Friday saying the very same thing to me. Here I am wracked with the same self-pity and unbelief that Andree knew and I want to believe I am not a hopeless case.

This little rendezvous with the Holy Spirit's gift of speaking through people again and again had a second appearance that day. I got to thinking about another Westminster professor Al Groves who is battling terminal cancer. He said this on blog on January 16, 2007: "He (God) still ferrets out the issues in my heart and leads me in repentance. The need for sanctification never ends; difficult circumstances have not given me a free pass." (yeah that one undid me.)

Dr. Davis was right "most of the world's work is done by people who don't feel good." People like Al Groves.

The power of the written word and the recorded spoken word is powerful to the saving of the soul for eternity. Sometimes those words save the saved soul that feels a little broken by her day or week or year.

Speak Holy Spirit, I want to listen. I want to obey.

Where Am I ?

Driving along to work today I was lost in thought... Something about being upset with a woman that said something really ignorant about a man I greatly respect. I started thinking about what it is I don't like about this woman and how maybe I don't like her because I see something of myself in her behavior. That kind of alarmed me as I did draw parallels which I'll for go airing here... Nevertheless, it was enough to really draw me into deep contemplation while I sat in traffic at a red light.

So I sat and thought and waited. And then the light turned green. I snapped out of my zone and I had KNOW IDEA WHERE I WAS!!! I don't mean I was lost like a made a wrong turn. I mean nothing looked familiar to me. Its like the memory of this road, this route where I was going even was momentarily gone. I was scared to death because I knew I was supposed to know. I knew I needed to make move. I finally came close enough to the street sign and kind of recognized the name (I should I drive it ever freaking day!!!) and I also knew I hadn't been a sleep -though that was suggested when I told someone the story. I just completely blanked! And it frightened me - a lot!

Hopefully, I am too young for senility so I am going to attribute this to the head cold I have which all day had me in a fog, sneezing and wishing I could stick tissue up my nose while I was at work- not a real professional look you know...

I could also super-spiritualize this experience but the fog is coming back and I think it might be time for a hot toddie and bed. But I think it could be summed up like this: God I don't know where I am with you and I think I may have said something ignorant to you.

The ALLURE of hope

Many times, I have read the book The Allure of Hope by Jan Meyers. Often I suggest it to others as a book that changed my life. Yet for some reason, I never quite thought about the title like I did today. I always emphasized the "Hope" part but didn't think too much of the word "Allure." I seemed to say it so quickly instead of letting it roll out of my mouth. Today I lingered and let it oxygenate me and "allure" spoke to me loudly.

I looked up what the word allure means: fascination; charm; appeal; to be attractive or tempting.

Why must hope allure us? because hope exhausts and maims and kills sometimes but it is like oxygen and you can't truly live without it.

And maybe that is the wonder of this wisdom-full book. When I am feeling more than a little hopeless I am always somehow pulled back -attracted- to this book. Tempted and charmed to find hope again. The lines I have underlined and starred act as an instant appeal to at least renew my energy to keep hope alive.

Great lines like this one (which I will be ruminating on in the days to come)
"When a woman's heart rests in the truth that the only thing left in the alleyway is to love others, then she lives from the allure of hope." (The alleyway is the place where your hopes are dashed.)

So hope allures to what could be and what will be. Life is teaching me the difference between "could" and "will." As painful as it sometimes is hope keeps alluring me back to believing the "coulds" can still happen.

Mom Just Doesn't Get It...

But then neither do I!
Mom emailed:
"Looks like every guy (you date) just wants to be your friend...
They all have commitment issues.
What ever happened to real men who couldn't wait to have some woman be the mother of their children? To bring forth their posterity. and all that stuff.
Maybe there's too much estrogen in the atmosphere.
I just don't get it."

I don't get it either mom.
I know its a stretch but maybe its time for men to boycott beef with all its hormone injections!!

Mummers 2007

Well I have always wanted to go to the Philadelphia Mummers parade.
But I have never been one for crowds, cold and the uncertainty of a bathroom. Once again my 101 list acted as a great motivation! Going to the Mummers parade was on my 101 list, so I thought I should go this year because when in my life's history will it be 73 degrees in January! I have also gotten a little bit more comfortable taking the train into the city. Fortunately, one of my roommates went with me. I think we were both awe struck by the vibrancy and detail of all the costumes. You just can't get a full flavor for it on TV. It was a well spent Saturday afternoon. Anytime you can do something you have never done before is a good time.