Live Fearlessly

"Live Fearlessly". The subject line of an email from my health insurance provider.  How is that for irony? I have been living in constant fear of receiving a letter in the mail saying our insurance policy has been cancelled or going to price itself right out of our budget.

When I read the email it turned out to be a ad campaign for "Living Fearlessly" and then taking a picture of it send in for a contest. My initial idea was to take a picture of us trying to log on to healthcare.gov. Ha get it.? I wonder how they came up with this catch phrase? Do they know people are afraid of what's happening to our healthcare system and therefore need a little encouragement - even if it is all just euphemisms and lies.

So I decided I would call and see what's up the pike for us. Looks like things will go unchanged for a few more months so that is a relief to this little worrier. In the meantime, maybe I can muster up some live fearlessly of my own - that God will provide a means when the letter does come. 

So Much for That

So 1 post scheduled.

One crying baby.

One standby youtube video - Classical Baby.

Sweet & priceless 20 minutes snuggling with the girl who doesn't sit.

One boy wakes up.

2 suddenly unhappy, cranky, fidgeting and crying children.

So much for the drafts maybe another time.

The Long Fall

Hardly seems possible that I haven't posted anything in since August. It has been a long fall. Lots of homeschooling, MOPS, Ladies Bible Study, working, trying to figure out what to have for dinner, and battling my great many faults. It is hard to find the time when only one takes a nap now and I work in the evenings.  As it is a rainy Sunday, and the oldest is napping for a change and the little one goofing off in the crib I have a little time to work on the drafts I have been sitting on for months. So here goes....

Little Disciplinarian Pearls of Wisdom

I need wisdom. This is no ordinary boy and yet he is just like most boys. Stubborn and doesn't want to listen to his momma. I could beat my head against a wall or try and figure out what he really needs and what will work best on him.

Like a splash of cold water on a morning crusty face this pearl dropped in my lap.

The morning went something like this. Mind you I haven't even made it to the kitchen yet...
The boy pushes the baby girl in his sly way. Boy gets disciplined and while sitting on his bed crying in time out I say, "Get dressed and don't leave the room until you are." Getting him to dress himself is new he is kind of clumsy at it and he ultimately ends up with the trains on the back instead of the front.
But even getting the shirt on was such a battle. So I am mad and I haven't even started breakfast yet.

Enter the pearl. Don't pile on the ultimatums while serving out a sentence. Let him do his time and then once he is a "happy boy" again start making deals and giving the newest order.  I realized I do this a lot, pile on the tasks in the midst of tantrums and timeouts. It only adds fuel to the flames.

The Parable of the Man with 2 Sons also came to mind. (Matthew 21: 28-32) Dad told his son go out and work in the vineyard and he said "no" but later changed his mind and went and did it. He told his other son go work in the vineyard and he said, "yes" but then didn't do it. Jesus asks, who did what God wanted him to do?

The first one. It just took him awhile to see the necessity of obeying his father. I think my son is like this. Eventually he will do it, eventually he will pick up the blocks the question is how much breath will I waste asking and repeating myself until he finally gets that he has to do it. A piling on of commands and requests doesn't end up in a job well done... so I am finding this little pearl to be a beautiful thing.

Sing-a-Long 2

Last Thursday, I put on a youtube music video to clear our heads and put us in a good mood because it was a long day. So, I choose Chris Tomlin's Angel Armies song which is my "go to" song right now. I pushed play and started to walk out of the room and my little singer says, "Come back Mommy I want to sing with you." That is so much easier to say yes to than being asked to play trucks, trains, tractors, cars.... So we sang and Rosie bopped on her legs and clapped her hands. We praise God and I prayed this song over my babies that they would always know that the God of Angel armies is by their side.

Even now in preparing this post I played the song again and he - who had been fighting me on naps the last 2 weeks- emerged with an "O" and started singing. The sweetness of singing this song with my boy just fills my soul.

Love Mercy

So my mom watched the kids so I could go to the spa for a cut, pedicure and massage. HA just kidding I went grocery shopping but going alone is like a spa treatment just a lot cheaper. Anyhow, when I got home she said that if my son is half as bad for me as he was for her then he is "just like you were." I have heard that before from her and it was cute when it came to climbing on things. I was climbing fences at 18 months I could expect nothing less from him. He is a boy of course he wants to climb on things. They didn't have crib tents when I was that young but if they did my Mom could have used one. All that to say we are both stubborn to a fault and fight the wrong battles and find ourselves wishing otherwise after awhile.

He is fighting the battle of "I don't want to be a big boy/ I don't want to try." I am fighting the battle of "Knowing which battles are worth fighting." I kind of feel like we are butting heads all day everyday and by the time I go to bed I feel like I haven't loved my little boy well enough. I feel bad. And I am tired and worn out and want to eat peppermint patties and drink wine - just not together.

So the word mercy has kind of been rattling around in my brain the last few days. I could use mercy from him and I think he could probably stand a little from me. Mercy.  Maybe we could make it through one day were I don't constantly drop the F-bomb in my brain.  I mean seriously there are &#^^@ in all the thought bubbles over my head.

So anyway I looked up the good old "love mercy" Micah 6:8 verse and was a little surprised how fitting verse 7 was for me.

 Micah 6: 7-8 Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,

Ten thousand rivers of oil?

Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,

The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

8 He has shown you, O man, what is good;

And what does the LORD require of you

But to do justly,

To love mercy,

And to walk humbly with your God?

My anger, my inability to cope or react better, my lack of inconsistency, my lack of mercy and lack of reliance on Jesus to help me in all things is giving my first born up for learning the same damn things.  I might as well as be burning him on some alter. I am pretty sure God won't be pleased with  my children being the victims of the sins of my soul.

I know this. I have known this.

So why is it still so hard to put into practice? What does God require me to do with my firstborn (and the second born too)-to show him what it looks like to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God.

Fighting Battles

A good mother lost her fight to cancer in June. She was someone I had known most of my life. She and I had worked together. We happened to see (on TV) the 2nd plane fly into the Twin Tower on 9/11 together. She was always opening my eyes. She left an indelible mark on our hometown and is greatly mourned.

If there was one thing I know about her, she loved her children. She no doubt battled cancer everyday, for years, so she could have one more day with her kids. Of this I am sure. One more day...

Thinking about her made me think of my own "battles" and how they hardly compare. What are my battles? Trouble getting up in the morning, doing dishes, playing trucks when I don't feel like it, fighting lonliness or fretting about money. What are those battles compared to cancer!? Yet, all my battles take away the joy of mothering or make it more of a challenge or they are a distraction from focusing on the really important things -like being the best mom my children deserve.

I still find myself shaking my head and saying, "I can't believe she is gone."  Yet, even in her death, she has opened my eyes again. Children are worth fighting our battles for. Hopefully, the vast majority of young mothers (me included) will not have to fight the battle she did. Potty training, picky eaters, waking up to nurse 2 times a night -still, loneliness these will be our hard battles but they will be worth fighting everyday to overcome so they won't affect us negatively. So we can keep on enjoying one more day with our children, offering them our best self.

Keep Calm & Cope

I had to look up what all those "Keep Calm" pins and pictures were that you see all over the Internet. It's pretty interesting and not quite what I thought. You can read about it here. I don't feel like trying to reinvent the wheel because I still haven't done the breakfast dishes and will have to start dinner shortly which I am sure will coincide perfectly with a sweet red head in search of momma milk jugs.

I will explain this, good old hubby who is usually never wrong was telling me that there were 2 types of people who in P.O.W. camps. Those who believe "tomorrow is the day" and those who cope with today and then also plan to cope with tomorrow. More often than not the ones who didn't survive were the ones who kept saying, "Tomorrow they will come for us." The ones who survived best learned to cope.

Yeah yeah,

The last few weeks I keep going to bed thinking maybe tomorrow will be better and here lately things are melting down before breakfast is started. We waste so much time battling for small things like making the bed, pulling down your own pants to use the toilet, don't sit on your sister that there isn't energy left for anything fun or even just necessary - like doing the dishes. So by 8:40am I am already thinking, "Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow I will do a better job."

I told him that and he reminded me of the P.O.W. camps. My great-grandpop was a P.O.W. during WW1, I've heard a story about the time he ate a cat, I think he must have learned to cope. I mean - he ate a cat! So what's my cat? What do I need to swallow that might not be so great to do or think about?

Well, I yell, because of this my son - he yells. I want to see this cycle end before we teach the little one to yell. She can already climb so can you imagine a climbing yeller - this scares me! I have been trying to refrain but not doing a great job. One particularly rough day, posted a couple motivational reminders around the house "Keep Calm & Stop Yelling" "Do Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly with God, Use restraint, speak kindly, COPE."

Let's see if that works for a coping mechanism. I hope.

For the Record

As a writer one of the things I ALWAYS struggle with it timing and chronology. I would love for things to be written chronologically. It just doesn't always work out because sometimes what I write is a process that I need to keep going back to tweak and sometimes I just haven't learned my lesson well enough to finish writing what I started. Blogs in the normal form don't help as the newest post is at the top and you might miss out on some prior detail unless you ready from the bottom up. So I will let posts sit in the drafts folder for month or weeks, then when I go to publish something the chronology is just all wrong. All this bothers me. You may not notice it but I do!

So for the record. I surrender there just isn't much I can do about this. I can change tenses in sentences and sometimes I do but the internal struggle to publish things in order is just something I need to get over. So there you go. I have 5 posts scheduled for the rest of the week. They are what they are. They are not necessarily in order and they didn't just have happen last week. They are weeks and months in the making but they are out of the drafts folder and that to me is an accomplishment!

My Boy

He is all boy.

What else is there to say?!

Sing-a-Longs

It was something akin to a car seat commercial or Volvo commercial… because that is what we drive. Both kids strapped in and ready to go and the 3 year old asks, “Can we listen to Curious George?” “Sure!” The familiar song starts and and he starts to sing –mostly the last word of each line because that’s all he has learned yet. We are both singing – I know a few more of the words than he. His sweet voice fills the back seat and makes me look in the mirror to see it happen. The boy who had no interest in clapping so that he was like the last baby to clap now sings along with Jack Johnson, Daniel Tiger, Boz the Green Bear and Thomas the Tank Car it really is the cutest thing! All this running through my mind cue the appropriate line of a song:

“Upside down
Who's to say what's impossible and 

can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away”

Don’t let this sweet feeling go away, the one where we are in harmony and enjoying this sing-a-long.
At the very least remember it mom. 

Remember it.

Dinnertime, Bedtime and Time

So I think I either need to find a different routine or just resign myself to the idea that we are just one of those families who eats dinner late and don't go to bed at a decent hour.

It is driving me crazy that the clock says 6pm and I still haven't started dinner. I am trying to cram finishing up my new part-time work, dealing with a boy who doesn't wake up happy (usually) from naps, baby needs to nurse, baby needs solids, I keep hearing "play with me", dinner is defrosting, kids need baths or want to go outside, I am hungry and resorting to cookies or oatmeal. I just feel like from 5-8:10pm the house spins into utter chaos. Wet pants lead to quick bathes, which leads to crying baby not interested in Cheerios or being contained so she won't get into the toilet, dinner is burning and there is the constant struggle to get the kitchen table cleaned off and not trip on a toys strewn all over the floor.

I am not exactly sure how to change things. Maybe I just need to accept that this is our routine and change how I feel in the midst of this routine. I feel flustered, frustrated and -well- hungry. What I want is for someone to take the kids outside and give me 20 minutes to get dinner done and assembled while still hot but before being singed.

I feel like this is the toughest time of day. When I want to yell, "send reinforcements because I am failing." I need back up. I need 6 hands and another set of eyes.

Update: Since I drafted this a week or so ago, I have actually been working on not accepting this as our routine. It is a matter of discipline and I guess I just decided that dinner is at 6pm which means I need to start cooking beforehand. Which means other things need to be set aside to make dinner start happening. It is mostly working. It is helping my frenzied head and hungry belly. I hope I can keep it up.

Why I Need the Electronic Babysitter

So in my feeble attempts to control my boy, I decided that he couldn't "watch a show" unless he tried some new food. This was about as successful as digging a hole in the tundra with a plastic spoon. The only person more stubborn that me is him. Seriously, that little honey badger has me beat though. He doesn't care about shows. He just played or followed me around like a little shadow. He just didn't care. He had no interest in trying something new and no interest in trying again something he formally liked.

About 10 days into this experiment I felt like the Lord said, "Give it 40 days" - seemed appropriate since I know He has a thing for 40 days. So 40 days with time served so I only had to go another 28-30 days. In all that time, the only thing he tried was popcorn and grilled cheese. Not exactly what I was hoping for but I took it because I need the break. Frankly, I missed The Wonder Pets!

It was a test in my ability to stick to my word and be consistent. It also was an exercise in futility because I can't control what he puts in his mouth anymore than I can make him say, "I have to use the toilet" but that's a story for another day. So maybe I get points for consistency, but I was still disappointed when some kind of breakthrough didn't happen.

The biggest result of this exercise was the uprising of my mean-spiritedness. There was just no peace and quiet. There was no break. There was just no "Wonder Pets on the way." I was worn down. I have to have the electronic babysitter once in a while - if not everyday- because by bedtime I felt mean and snarly and angry.

I'll admit I feel mean and snarly by bedtime most days but I have definitely been more acutely aware of it while going without kids shows. So for me and my house to help keep my mean-spiritedness at bay we have to have a couple shows during the day because I need the break to help keep me sane, and get food on the table - even if it is just another PB&J.

One thing is for sure, I do not want my mean-spiritedness to get the better of me or get the urge to "pinch" my children because I can't control them. They are after all sinners like me with similar tendencies to try and overcome.

Believe me when I say I was so happy to reach day 40 and will never pull anything like that again!

Mean-Spirited

There was this boy who lived on my street who ate green peppers like they were apples. I always thought that was weird and I kind of held that against him. He had a sister a little younger that me. One day a bunch of kids from the neighborhood were playing and for whatever reason, I pinched Green Pepper Boy's sister on the arm really hard. I probably couldn't get her to play what I wanted to play or do what I wanted her to do. Those details I don't recall but I remember the mean-spirit rising up out of me and flowing through my fingertips like a wave I had little control over. Pinching harder didn't change her stance.

I often think about that event and am astounded by just how much meanness there is inside me.

There was another time when I was much younger -probably 4 or 5- and I hit my best friend on the head with the Fisher Price house boat. It was done in the same mean spirited way probably because she wouldn't do what I wanted. Fortunately, she forgave me and as a joke bought my son a new and improved Fisher Price houseboat for his first Christmas. This one is of lighter construction. Green Pepper Boy and his sister didn't live on our street very long so I can't say what  happened as far as forgiveness goes. I do know that the 2 sisters who were there with us that day never really liked me or played with me after that day.

The thing that irked me - that led to the pinch and as I recall increased pinch intensity was "sister's" unwillingness to back down. My pinch didn't change her. My pinch didn't convince her. It failed. I failed. Thank God too because you can't go through life pinching people to get what you want.

After a particularly hard break up a good friend came to me and said I was being "mean" and I needed to snap out of it and find some new outlet and stop taking out my hurt on other people. I didn't realize I was being mean and in that case it wasn't my intention. I guess because I couldn't get what I wanted meanness flowed.

So it would seem meanness has always been a part of me which is ironic I think because I don't think I come across as mean. I guess its when you get a little closer to the heart you can see it. Or if I can't get you to do what I want you too. It starts to fester and boil over and I feel like pinching someone.

All this resurfaced this spring while attending a Bible study. Bible study actually had me thinking about stuff and we just went 40 days without any electronic babysitter-aka videos for the boy.

The results.... of that brilliant idea to be posted separately.

Green pepper's sister fresh in mind and my still mean-spiritedness reared its ugly head again. Frankly, I got busted again and realized I have to turn over a new leaf. Even if that leaf weighs more than a dentist's lead blanket, I have had no choice but to stop the flow of meanness, for a very important reason - I have an audience always watching.

Why I Love Being Your Mother

I saw this idea on Pinterest - to write a letter to my kids on Mother's Day to tell them why I love being their mother. I even put a reminder to myself to do this on my Outlook calendar! I think it will serve as a good reminder on those days when I feel like I am failing them or they are driving me a little crazy. (Kind of like today.) For the time being, I will plan to print it out and stick it their baby books - you know those mythical books we are supposed to fill with all the minutia of their lives, but we are too tired to get to most days. Sort of like this blog - I have a ton of drafts in the pipeline and ideas in my head but quiet time is rare anymore.
Anyway, I did do it on Mother's Eve night.

Dear Walter,
Why I love being your momma... I love when you smile. I love that this year you learned to say, "I love you." back. You can see the same train, truck or railroad tracks everyday, and everyday your are so excited to see it. It is like you are seeing it for the first time all over again. I love this enthusiasm. It makes me smile to see how somethings never grow old to you. I love how you lay on the floor with your head on your arm as you make you cars go all around. I love that you love reading and that you can sit for hours and study books. I love how you make connections of "same" things and then say, "I show you" as you show me the connections. You seem to have a photogenic memory.

It cracks me up when you say, "mmm that's good!" to the same old PB&J that you eat everyday sometimes twice a day. I love the way you say, "That's so nice." and "No thank you" when you are offered something you don't want to eat. Your laugh is infectious and sometimes really loud! It touches my heart the way you say, "Baby Jee" for Jesus and I love that you have a growing connection to Him already.
You give great hugs and have a nice hand to hold. You keep me on my toes and some days on my knees. You are all boy but I am glad that you are my boy.

Dear Rosie, Why I love being your momma... I have been hoping for you all my life. I always wanted a little girl so I could name her Rose. I also always wanted a red-head. That makes you are a dream come true. You have been alert from the beginning. You have such strong legs and I am so proud when I see you stand so tall and strong.  I love the way your nose wrinkles when you smile. I think you are beautiful and when you smile you remind me of the pictures I have seen of me when I was a baby. What a neat feeling to see some of yourself on someone else's face. I love to watch you move from one thing to another exploring and entertaining yourself. You are a little dynamo. I love that I can leave you in the nursery at church and you are content to crawl around and do your thing when all the other kids are crying. You just want to go go go. I love watching you see something new, the way you investigate things, like the first time you sat in grass. Although, I may be spoiling you I love that we snuggle in the very early hours of the morning. I love the way you babble it sounds kind of squirrelly and maybe a little like Milton in Office Space (a movie you can't see until you are much older.)

Both of you are the reason I want to be a better person and rise above my own weaknesses so I can show you the right way in life. Being a mom is sanctifying and sacrificing but you are both worth it. I will continue to become a better person, follow Jesus a little more intently each day so I can lead you to him. These are just a few reasons why I love being your mother.

God of Angel Armies

The song we sang was about the God of angel armies. Wow! did that really resonate with me because sometimes I really feel like I am battling an enemy. A little enemy who is disobedient and stubborn and funny and beautiful and the love of my life. He is a little sinner who whose path in life I am pretty responsible for.

Who know you would need the God of angel armies to help parent a 3 year old?! But I do, too much is at stake to do this alone. I need the back up because the "enemy" is so dear and needs a tender and wise hand to lead him on the right path. I sure don't want to fight this battle on my own. I need the God of angel armies by my side to help me crush his sin nature (and mine as well) as I try to lead him on the path to Jesus. Or "Baby Jee" as he calls him. The truly comforting thing is this God of angel armies loves my little "enemy" too and is always by our side.

Return from Exile

I haven't attended a Bible Study since shortly after Walter was born. It just hasn't worked out that I have been able to go to any. I have missed it. For most of my adult life, I have gone to some kind of Bible study and always found that digging a little deeper and being challenged by what the Bible has to say to be really good for me.

I guess I have been in a form of exile by not being able to go to a Bible study. Sometimes you don't realize how much you need something until you wake up for the umpteenth time and wonder,"why do I feel so spiritual dry?" "Why does the Bible seem so dull to me?" "Why is God so quiet?" So the path cleared for me to attend a Bible study again that includes free childcare! I really feel like my exile has ended.

Why do I say that?

For one, I realized I was in exile. I guess you don't always know it when you are there.
For two, I have actually been reading the Bible with the express reason of answering a question and therefore reading with some purpose.
For three, while reading and preparing for a lesson. I really felt like God spoke to me and challenged me. I even sat and mulled over what I had a read and what it acutally meant for me - for several minutes. I even underlined something. I haven't done that in a long time.

What God was hoping to communicate to me wasn't nessecarily what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear. It was really helpful as well as challenging. If I can really take ahold of what was communicated to me, those times of exile that just have to happen might be more managable if I look at the big picture. 

For now I am going to enjoy the time of fellowship and learning and hope this refreshing will keep my dry soul hydrated for awhile.

Seamless

Don't you love those seamless zippers? They just seem to disappear and do their job.

I have been thinking about the word seamless lately, as it relates to zippers but mostly to everyday child-rearing.

You see once upon a time before I had children I imagined myself seamlessly going from one thing to another with grace and ease. As if effortlessly gliding along, dishing out applesauce, changing a diaper, washing dishes, teaching Bible stories with a song in my heart and making a call to some utility company whilst my children played quietly and looked at books on weather patterns. (Whilst and Seamless are 2 words that should go together. Right?!) You know like Mary Poppins.

 Maybe working with school aged kids I got the wrong idea. Sure things moved fast, you had to keep going at their speed or they would walk all over you and leave you in the chalk dust. However, most of them were potty trained, not peeing on your rug or waking you up in the middle of the night for milk or refusing to eat fruit. The reality is teaching didn't really prepare me for how unseamless mothering would be for me. Others may have it down, I haven't gotten it yet. This is still surprising me because I thought for sure I could do it seamlessly.

The reality is I am putting out fires all day long and barely catching a breath before the next tantrum, feeding, burned something because we are running to the potty catastrophe. Anything but seamless. Its gaping, tiring, inconsistent, convicting... My baby is eating crumbs off the floor faster than I can sweep the floor but that's partly because I keep running the boy to the bathroom every time the timer goes off. Actually, kicking and screaming would more aptly describe what's happening. Instead of it being seamless its a continuous series of stitches going in all directions sometimes at the same time. Its all very obvious and all over the floor - the kitchen floor.

At the end of the day, where I feel like I have yelled more than loved on I want to be reminded that no one else does motherhood seamlessly either. Everyone else is tired with tousled hair, peanut butter still lingering on their kid's face and probably a little bit of pee on their shirt from helping their kid put on his pants after using the toilet - but not yet washed his hands.

Maybe someday I will recover from the shock that I can't do this seamlessly. Meanwhile I stumble through trying to figure out how to get everyone fed when they are all clamoring for something to eat. Or trying to convince them how nice a nap would be - for mom. Or how to change a 7 month old "ocotpus" who thinks she can fly off the changing table.

Hopefully stumbling and bumbling and unseamlessly going along won't screw them up too much. After all, they are just kids they need to see the zipper to learn how to zip it up right?

LOVE

Love those hands and feet. This was our Happy Valetine's Day Daddy project. Little boy hand and little girl feet. I don't come up with cute ideas like this on my own and so I am forever grateful for the wealth of ideas on Pinterest.

I just wish I had more wall space!

Downton Abbey Dinners 4-7

Carrying on with the fancy Downton Abbey dinners, we had some more fancy than others and one that we had to wait until Wednesday to watch... 

Classic beef stew - probably a meal more for the staff than the family but we did use china. Probably the first time I ever had stew on china.

This bad boy beef was a little too salty for me.  I slow cooked the steak for a couple hours in red wine, soy sauce and I think Worcestershire sauce. Then, served it up with some gooey potatoes and veggies. I think it had been one of those days where I just wanted to eat and get the kids to bed so I skipped the china. 

This was a chicken salad served on a Wednesday because hubby had to work Monday and Tuesday night. I had to stay away from Pinterest and the Daily UK news because I didn't want to see anything that would tip me off as to what happened Sunday night.

Finale: I had been cranky and had a migraine but ended up quite pleased with the Salmon cakes, rice pilaf and brandied carrots. Typically, I would never cook carrots as a side dish. I only throw them in roasts because they give a nice flavor but I don't like them cooked. However, I was craving fresh veggies like grilled zucchini and fresh from the garden roasted tomatoes and well we don't have that right now. So the freshest aka not frozen on canned vegetable I had were carrots. Turns out that were really good. I would definitely do it again and they tasted quite different than carrots roasted with chicken or beef. However, liking cooked carrots turned out to be less of a surprise than the season finale. Did not see that coming.

That is until we saw the truck...

That concludes our Downton Abbey Dinners. Maybe I will find another reason to break out the china before next January when the new season starts. Until then let's hope Netflix gets Mad Men Season 5 on and maybe we can break out the cigarettes and Scotch. ;-)

Downton Abbey Dinners 1-3

I heard fighting over what to watch on TV is 2nd on a list of 10 things couples fight about.

I am happy to say: not so for us! The fact that we no longer have a working TV helps. Neither of can flip channels instead of going to bed. I no longer get sucked into The Mentalist, Law & Order or Criminal Minds. Though I do really miss the Mentalist I guess not enough to watch him on my own while Walter is at work.  We have our short list of shows that we enjoy together and are always on the look out for a new series. Only once did I just say no I can't stomach it: Reno 911. I just can't do it!

We love Netflix, Hulu and the fact that networks put full episodes on their websites. We love 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Rules of Engagement, Foyle's War and Downton Abbey.

When Downton Abbey season 2 ended it seemed like a 1000 years before January 2013 would bring us season 3 but in the mean time we watch Mad Men seasons 1-4.

So here we are enjoying Downton Abbey on Monday nights instead of Sunday like the rest of the nation because we have to wait for the show to be posted online. In honor of Downton Abbey Night, I have been trying to put together a special dinner to give me a reason to pull out the china and just to bring a little civility to potty training, time outs, and motor grease.

Season Premier: Discounted ground lamb. Recipe inspired by an Easter dinner. Lamb cakes in a garlic, rosemary, and red wine reduction, baked potato, broccoli with a cherry tomato garnish. Very yummy.

Episode 2: I actually used the Crawley Family Chicken Breasts with Caper Cream Sauce Recipe with rice pilaf and brussel sprouts in lemon pepper . Hubby said, "Best sauce ever!" I did modify it.

Episode 2 Dessert:  Sour Cherry Almond Cake. Delectable.

Episode 3 went a little like this. We had all been sick. The laundry pile was swallowing me up so we went to my parents on Monday and did laundry for 2 days. Consequently, Downton Abbey night was moved to Tuesday. We had Arby's Classic Roast Beef sandwiches and curly fries. I thought about serving it on the china and taking a picture but we were so hungry and anxious to get the kids to bed and the show started, we just woofed them down.

Not sure what Episode 4's dinner will consist of. Do you think Mrs. Patimore served spaghetti and meatballs? Because I got a huge pot of that on the stove.

Baby's Breath

Some of our best memories can be captured in a photo. Some of our best memories are a photo. However, the senses must savor -and remember- what a camera can't capture. Those priceless movements, sensations and fragrances that can only impact the brain and cause regret if we don't make an effort to recall each detail.

My newest obsession to preserve is the smell of my baby's breath. I don't think I ever noticed it with Walter. Though I did note he didn't have morning breath until he was about 2 years old. I can't seem to get enough of Rosie's sweet breath. Rose's cousins have sweet breath too, so I have heard from their mommies. They are who made me take notice. One thought it was the sweetness of mother's milk. Maybe its the lack of teeth. Whatever it is my baby has the sweetest breath and I can't get enough. I wish I could bottle it in a pretty jar. Instead, I revel in her squeals of delight that let out that sweet fragrance. I now understand why the flower "Baby's Breath" got its name. It is a delicate sweet with a little spice. Just like my Rosie and her baby's breath.

4:42 am the time Rosie was born. Dad greeted her with a rose for a Rose along with some Baby's Breath.

Stillness

My great Aunt passed away last week and I attended her funeral and missed my grandpop all over again.

During the service, Fr. Dave used the term "stillness" to describe my aunt's body. The stillness is so different from the life she led. She was smart, stylish, patriotic and beautiful. Her smile brightened a room. She helped her fellowman. Now her body is still, which is so far removed from who she was.

A couple years ago, she told me about a letter she received from a 95 year old cousin in Italy, whose final line translated "until we meet again in Paradise."

I was comforted by the reunions that took place when my aunt passed peacefully into the awaiting arms of Jesus. No doubt she met up with her noble and hardworking parents, my grandpop her loving brother, her husband and many others who went before her - including the cousin in Italy. When you pass away at 88 you have buried a lot of good friends and family. All the more to welcome you home though.

"Until we meet again in Paradise," and so she has, though her body is forever still on earth this devoted Catholic woman is now enjoying the reward of a life well lived. I am pretty confident that her feet are anything but still as she strides over to her loved ones in her pump shoes and greets those who have been waiting for her in Paradise - where things are probably anything but "still".

A Rosy Christmas on Pinterest

It was a rosy Christmas thanks to Pinterest where I found or pinned a tutorial for making felt flowers. I made felt ornaments and wreaths. I was a felt flower making fool. I even burned my finger on the glue gun. It was fun -not the burn part- the festive flowers in honor of my little Rose.

I am crazy about the way this wreath turned out. My husband even admired it.  I think I will keep it up in the kitchen for the rest of the winter. So I saw a pin on Pinterest with 4-5 different wreaths on a big double window and that was the what I was going for in the picture below. I wasn't entirely happy with the over all effect. The wreaths look like they are floating instead of hanging but using ribbon to hang the wreaths didn't look right either. So maybe next year I will devise something else. The yarn ball wreath which was inspired by a pin didn't garner much enthusiasm as it was given the name the "Meatball wreath". The other 2 wreaths were simple I put beaded garland on one and the other has a yo-yo garland I made a couple years

 ago wrapped around it.



New Years Resolutions

My New Years Resolutions... not only am I on top of this but I am even working on the blog post in 2012.

Resolution #1: Reduce my butter intake. For most of my life I have been addicted to pancakes. I have had to fry them in butter because they stick to my old pan and plus that makes them more delicious. I got a new griddle for Christmas that doesn't require butter. So the resolution is happening by default but I could use a little help keeping a resolution!

Resolution #2 Clean up pancake mix drips after they happen rather than at dinner time when it is caked on to the counter.

Crystal Paine of Moneysavingmom.com had a fresh idea on resolutions and yearly goals so I am stealing her idea and going to focus on one word to help me make 2013 and my resolutions be a little more productive and practicable and make me a little less sluggish and behind the 8 ball.

Consistency

I didn't have to think at all on this one word goal for the year. Its already been rattling around in my life for quite some time now. Consistency is the only way I can get my son potty trained done. (Consistency with setting a timer is helping to make it happen.) Consistency is the only way I can remember to drink water, take my vitamins, lose the saddlebags and the baby fat. Consistency will help me plan meals and take stuff out of the freezer before 1:20pm in the afternoon for preparation at couple hours later.

Consistency is the only way I will pray - consistently - for stuff like consistency and wisdom for parenting issues. Because I need help with things like how to get my boy to eat fruit and veggies.

Maybe then I won't be spending so much in diapers, my back won't hurt and I can try on a dress and not feel like a frump. Otherwise I guess I am going to have to invest in a full lenght mirror to guilt me into action or go to Kohls and try on dresses to give me a boost of consistency.


So that's what my goal is to be more consistent in all the things I don't do consistently but have to, want to and should do.