Lily and Bill - Back Together Again

Part of my daily routine is to check out the local obituaries. Yesterday, I saw a familiar name- Bill V. Years, ago when I was still single I interviewed Bill and his wife Lily (also my cousin.)

In honor of the fact that Bill has be reunited with his beautiful Lily, I am re-posting the article I wrote about them years ago. I've not reedited. .

Does Love Really Come When You Least Expect It?

Lily and Bill

My aunt was telling me about Lily and Bill’s anniversary party. I was intrigued.

I thought of Lily, a beautiful older woman and distant cousin. At least once a year, I would see her at the St. Michael’s Celebration, serving porkette and roast beef sandwiches. I asked my aunt how long have they been married. She said, “25 years.” My mouth dropped. “How can that be? She has to be in her 70s.”

I started to do the math. If they celebrated their 25th anniversary in 2001 that means they got married in the 1976. If she was 50 in 1976 that means she was 25 in 1951. I thought to myself, “What was it like to be a twenty-something single woman in the 1950s?” My understanding of the 50s was everyone got married. It was not like today where a woman can choose a career over marriage and not be called an “Old Maid”. I decided I must talk to Lily and Bill to see what wisdom they can offer single people.

Lily is a woman with a sweet spirit about her and at 76 she is still beautiful. Bill is an energetic fellow who wakes up singing. This is their story.

Gibbstown Swim Club 1976, sitting on opposite sides of the pool Lily noticed a man with crossed legs and nice calves. Curious, she asked a friend sitting next to her about him. Gibbstown is full of family relations and everyone knows mostly everyone else, yet she had never met Bill. Maybe because he was a teacher in Pitman about 20 minutes away and he spent most of his summers on his boat in Cape May. However, that day mutual friends introduced Bill to Lily. They had come to watch their niece and nephew swim but they found love. Less than four weeks later, they were married. Lily was 50; Bill was 47 neither had ever been married.

Bill never had any inclination to marry. He was perfectly content teaching, coaching and boating. Never gave marriage a thought, until he met Lily. “It was love at first sight”, he said. They were the talk of the town when three weeks later they got married in her mother’s house. They figured, “we’re older and don’t need a long engagement.” They had found love, so why wait. The thing is it really came when they least expected it. It was not after years of relentless, frustrated searching.

Not having any desire to marry really puts you in a position to find it when you least expect it. Not living life consumed with finding a mate or depressed because you can’t find one also puts you in a very good position to find love when you least expect it. You are honestly living life without the expectation. Not like some of us who say, “Oh I know I won’t meet Mr. Right tonight.” Still you look around for him and go home a little bummed because you really didn’t find him tonight.

I was a little surprised to find out that being single didn’t bother them. I thought Lily might tell me that it was a terrible struggle of surrendering her will to God and learning to wait. She never had to go through the labyrinth of surrender. She had always been there. I wish I could say the same for myself. Too bad surrendering isn’t a gene to be passed along in family DNA; I would like having that gene.

If I could bottle their attitude toward singleness and sell it, I could become a very wealthy woman. Their single years contain nuggets of wisdom we could learn a lot from. We can’t bottle attitudes; we are left to change our own through the grace of God. Some of us desperately need a new attitude in regards to our single life. They have the life experience and credibility that we can trust. They have room to talk. Do we have the good sense to listen?

Lily could have married earlier. She ran into some of the same men we have. Believe it or not there were men in the 50s who were only interested in sex too. She wouldn’t give into that. She was choosy she didn’t date just anyone. Though she may have been considered an “old maid” she never felt that is what people thought of her. She didn’t pine for a husband because she was happy where she was. That is were I want to be, so happy with life that I don’t even notice I am single.

Both Lily and Bill found satisfaction working and traveling. She was active in politics and the St. Michael’s Club. He spent his summers boating. Both were involved with the family as they still are. She had a loving, fun family that fulfilled her. She invested time with her nieces and nephews and this made her happy. He invested time in his students and this fulfilled him. He still has former students coming up to him.

Lily mentioned, “swim meets are boring”, but it was important that she support her niece. It was in doing the valuable, but boring tasks that she met the right man at the right time. Like Rebecca gathering water at the well, a valuable but boring task that provided her with a loving husband. (Genesis 24)

They both told me, “When you least expect it will happen.” Coming from anybody else its like fingernails on a chalkboard, but from them it is truth. They lived it. They lived life to the fullest and then their cup overflowed. “The last 25 years have been the best years of my life,” Bill said, “I wouldn’t trade a day.” Such statements from a tremendous couple give me hope.

You can’t walk away from Lily and Bill and not learn some valuable lessons.
Do what makes you happy.
Go out meet people make friends.
Invest time in your family and friends.
Don’t live life looking because it really does happen when you least expect it.

This is where I wish I could sell, “Lily and Bill’s Healthy Single Attitude” in a bottle because I know a lot of people will say, “Yeah, easier said than done.”

Capture this final picture. It’s true they never longed to be married like some of us. They just did what made them happy. Then one day in the midst of doing what made them happy they met and fell in love. Now if you want that, if you really want to hear, “These years with you have been the best years of my life...” Are you willing to live life to the fullest? Are you willing to catch hold of that attitude of not stressing over biological clocks or calendars with no dates penciled in and just live and do what makes you happy? That’s where I want to be found, living life to the fullest.

No matter how old I get before he comes along, hope stays alive because Lily and Bill. Sometimes love comes later but it comes… when we least expect it.

Epilogue:

It’s been more than five years since I sat with Lily and Bill at their dining room table and they shared with me how they met and got married. Today, February 6, 2006 I went to Lily’s viewing. After a number of years battling cancer she is at peace. As I walked into the church there was a collage of pictures of Lily with family members and friends. In the center of it all was their wedding picture.

As I looked at this still beautiful woman lying at rest I couldn’t help but say, “If you can hear me Lily perhaps you might ask God if he could hurry up my husband for me. I am 5 years older now too and I am not so sure I can be as patient as you were.” Theologically it’s not sound I know but sometimes you can’t help yourself. And then I saw Bill, “I am going to miss that girl. I never would of have thought I would have found someone as wonderful as her at my age… we had 30 good years together. The best 30 years of my life.”

Their story will live on… still giving me hope.

Sometimes...

... doing the right thing looks a little risky.

I noticed this old lady standing on the corner. She was dressed for winter though it is quite warm out. Dressed to the nines too. As I stopped at the corner, she walked up to the car and asked if I could give her a ride to the Giant grocery store. The bus had come early and so she missed it and the next one wasn't for an hour. She spoke with an Italian accent. She is 90 if she is a day and is smaller than me so I figured if she tried anything I could take her right?! In today's day and age, saying yes to helpless people has become a hard thing to risk and that is sad. I felt it was the right thing to do so I let her in. Here it turns out she is from the Abruzzi region in Italy and was astounded to hear that my family was Ascoli Piceno. Veritable neighbors. She was sweet and appreciated my help.

She made me think of my great grandparents, Luigi & Giulia. They came to Ellis Island over 90 years ago. They arrived in Gibbstown in February. Great Grandmom Giulia was midway through a pregnancy that resulted in my grandpop. She gets off the train and all she sees is cinder block houses and nothing special. Grandpop told me she was so "disappointed." Still they would probably agree with me that sometimes doing the right thing looks a little risky. Like boarding a ship to cross the Atlantic while your are pregnant. Like leaving your home to try and make a new home in a far off place. They did it though. Gibbstown was nothing special compared to the history and beauty contained in the city limits of Ascoli Piceno.

Perhaps the reward of doing the risky right thing is that something special can come out of it.
Over time Gibbstown became more special because they were there. They produced 3 children who all contributed to making the town something special, from the trees they planted to the people they interacted with on a daily basis to the organizations they helped found and run. They are and were special to the people of the town. Pillars. People who are pillars can sometime even outlast ancient Roman pillars found in old cities.

Read-A-Thon (January & February)

I always enjoyed doing the M.S. Read-A-Thon during my grammar school days. I liked reading in general. I still do, I just haven't been taking or making the time as I said in earlier posts. That's all changing I have read more books in the first 2 months of 2012 than I read in all over 2011. I actually feel smarter!

Here is the list and little highlight or endorsement of each of the books.

1.  Mother I got this one for Christmas from my mom. This is an old book that has been brought back to life. It was a lovely read. At times it was very convicting and at the same time inspiring. Convicting in the sense that Mother never wearied in doing good no matter what. She labored to provide meals for her family no matter how early or late or hot. (I am prone to not being so willing when my dear hubby comes home late and needs dinner.) Inspiring because Mother took turns praying at the bedside of one of her children each night and the children relished this time. (I am most nights so tired I just want to get my child in his crib so I can have a moments peace. Oftentimes I don't take the time to pray with him.) My take away from the book isn't even really the full scope of the book. It really is about a daughter that wants a career and to see the world but eventually comes back to the fact that there is no other role model or person she wants to be more like than her Mother.

2. The Money Saving Mom's Budget: Slash Your Spending, Pay Down Your Debt, Streamline Your Life, and Save Thousands a Year by Crystal Paine of moneysavingmom.com

I follow her blog everyday to get the news on deals, coupons and tips for saving money. A good book with lots of good tips although many of them can be found on her website. It is a good resource to have everything right at your finger tips.

I can't remember how I came across this one but I always wanted to read one of those non-Jane Austen written books pretending to be a sequel to a Jane Austen book. Enter....

3. Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D James
This book was a sequel that follows Lizzie & Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. It was a page turner, but I was also very snuggley under a blanket and not feeling the best. Both really good reasons to just keep reading! I liked the book until the author tried to tie another Jane Austen book. I just thought that was forced and weird. My first thought was I can understand the writers of ER wanting to bring back as many characters for their show finale. I love that kind of nostalgia but this not so much. If Jane had done it I would have loved that!

This next book was at the suggestion of one of my old high school classmate's. She posted how much she liked it on Facebook. So I checked it out of the library.

4. Little Princes: One Man's Promise to Bring Home the Lost Children of Nepal
By Conor Grennan
This is easily one of the best books I ever read. It was inspiring. It was a love story. It was action packed and suspenseful. I stayed up until 2:30am to finish -even though my son is an early riser!  The author left me thanking God that He inspires some people to do things beyond what they would ever ask or imagine. And they are able to transform hundreds of lives because they stepped out in faith. That is exactly what Conor Grennan did. I learned about a part of the world that I knew nothing of and feel like I smoothed out a little bit of a rough spot in my life long quest to become more well rounded.

You can find out more about his mission and organization to help the Lost Children of Nepal here.

5.Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery By Eric Metaxas  

I am sure I heard about this book when the movie about William Wilberforce came out in 2007. (That was the first movie I went to see by myself because I wanted to see it so bad and didn't want to wait for someone to go with!) So I was encouraged to read the book recently when I heard the author speak. He was spellbinding. It was like he was both stand up comedian and preacher wrapped up in one.

Seriously if you have 20 minutes of free time you will not regret it being spent listening to Eric Metaxas. He was utterly winsome and true to the gospel. Skip to minute 34 approximately of the National Prayer Breakfast. 

Anyway, I figured if he is that good a speaker he might just be that good a writer and I was correct. This book was top notch. I felt like I was sent back in time and could feel the darkness of the colonial period when slavery was not considered an abomination. I might even read his book on Dietrich Bonhoeffer because I don't know a thing about him except his name.

5 books in 2 months now that is progress toward becoming a better reader and a better writer not to mention well rounded-ness!