In honor of the fact that Bill has be reunited with his beautiful Lily, I am re-posting the article I wrote about them years ago. I've not reedited. .
Does Love Really Come When You Least Expect It?
Lily and Bill
My aunt was telling me about Lily and Bill’s anniversary party. I was intrigued.
I thought of Lily, a beautiful older woman and distant cousin. At least once a year, I would see her at the St. Michael’s Celebration, serving porkette and roast beef sandwiches. I asked my aunt how long have they been married. She said, “25 years.” My mouth dropped. “How can that be? She has to be in her 70s.”
I started to do the math. If they celebrated their 25th anniversary in 2001 that means they got married in the 1976. If she was 50 in 1976 that means she was 25 in 1951. I thought to myself, “What was it like to be a twenty-something single woman in the 1950s?” My understanding of the 50s was everyone got married. It was not like today where a woman can choose a career over marriage and not be called an “Old Maid”. I decided I must talk to Lily and Bill to see what wisdom they can offer single people.
Lily is a woman with a sweet spirit about her and at 76 she is still beautiful. Bill is an energetic fellow who wakes up singing. This is their story.
Gibbstown Swim Club 1976, sitting on opposite sides of the pool Lily noticed a man with crossed legs and nice calves. Curious, she asked a friend sitting next to her about him. Gibbstown is full of family relations and everyone knows mostly everyone else, yet she had never met Bill. Maybe because he was a teacher in Pitman about 20 minutes away and he spent most of his summers on his boat in Cape May. However, that day mutual friends introduced Bill to Lily. They had come to watch their niece and nephew swim but they found love. Less than four weeks later, they were married. Lily was 50; Bill was 47 neither had ever been married.
Bill never had any inclination to marry. He was perfectly content teaching, coaching and boating. Never gave marriage a thought, until he met Lily. “It was love at first sight”, he said. They were the talk of the town when three weeks later they got married in her mother’s house. They figured, “we’re older and don’t need a long engagement.” They had found love, so why wait. The thing is it really came when they least expected it. It was not after years of relentless, frustrated searching.
Not having any desire to marry really puts you in a position to find it when you least expect it. Not living life consumed with finding a mate or depressed because you can’t find one also puts you in a very good position to find love when you least expect it. You are honestly living life without the expectation. Not like some of us who say, “Oh I know I won’t meet Mr. Right tonight.” Still you look around for him and go home a little bummed because you really didn’t find him tonight.
I was a little surprised to find out that being single didn’t bother them. I thought Lily might tell me that it was a terrible struggle of surrendering her will to God and learning to wait. She never had to go through the labyrinth of surrender. She had always been there. I wish I could say the same for myself. Too bad surrendering isn’t a gene to be passed along in family DNA; I would like having that gene.
If I could bottle their attitude toward singleness and sell it, I could become a very wealthy woman. Their single years contain nuggets of wisdom we could learn a lot from. We can’t bottle attitudes; we are left to change our own through the grace of God. Some of us desperately need a new attitude in regards to our single life. They have the life experience and credibility that we can trust. They have room to talk. Do we have the good sense to listen?
Lily could have married earlier. She ran into some of the same men we have. Believe it or not there were men in the 50s who were only interested in sex too. She wouldn’t give into that. She was choosy she didn’t date just anyone. Though she may have been considered an “old maid” she never felt that is what people thought of her. She didn’t pine for a husband because she was happy where she was. That is were I want to be, so happy with life that I don’t even notice I am single.
Both Lily and Bill found satisfaction working and traveling. She was active in politics and the St. Michael’s Club. He spent his summers boating. Both were involved with the family as they still are. She had a loving, fun family that fulfilled her. She invested time with her nieces and nephews and this made her happy. He invested time in his students and this fulfilled him. He still has former students coming up to him.
Lily mentioned, “swim meets are boring”, but it was important that she support her niece. It was in doing the valuable, but boring tasks that she met the right man at the right time. Like Rebecca gathering water at the well, a valuable but boring task that provided her with a loving husband. (Genesis 24)
They both told me, “When you least expect it will happen.” Coming from anybody else its like fingernails on a chalkboard, but from them it is truth. They lived it. They lived life to the fullest and then their cup overflowed. “The last 25 years have been the best years of my life,” Bill said, “I wouldn’t trade a day.” Such statements from a tremendous couple give me hope.
You can’t walk away from Lily and Bill and not learn some valuable lessons.
Do what makes you happy.
Go out meet people make friends.
Invest time in your family and friends.
Don’t live life looking because it really does happen when you least expect it.
This is where I wish I could sell, “Lily and Bill’s Healthy Single Attitude” in a bottle because I know a lot of people will say, “Yeah, easier said than done.”
Capture this final picture. It’s true they never longed to be married like some of us. They just did what made them happy. Then one day in the midst of doing what made them happy they met and fell in love. Now if you want that, if you really want to hear, “These years with you have been the best years of my life...” Are you willing to live life to the fullest? Are you willing to catch hold of that attitude of not stressing over biological clocks or calendars with no dates penciled in and just live and do what makes you happy? That’s where I want to be found, living life to the fullest.
No matter how old I get before he comes along, hope stays alive because Lily and Bill. Sometimes love comes later but it comes… when we least expect it.
Epilogue:
It’s been more than five years since I sat with Lily and Bill at their dining room table and they shared with me how they met and got married. Today, February 6, 2006 I went to Lily’s viewing. After a number of years battling cancer she is at peace. As I walked into the church there was a collage of pictures of Lily with family members and friends. In the center of it all was their wedding picture.
As I looked at this still beautiful woman lying at rest I couldn’t help but say, “If you can hear me Lily perhaps you might ask God if he could hurry up my husband for me. I am 5 years older now too and I am not so sure I can be as patient as you were.” Theologically it’s not sound I know but sometimes you can’t help yourself. And then I saw Bill, “I am going to miss that girl. I never would of have thought I would have found someone as wonderful as her at my age… we had 30 good years together. The best 30 years of my life.”
Their story will live on… still giving me hope.
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